By Roxanne Snopek
Both characters in my novella Saving the Sheriff, (Stranded With a Hero) have Christmas issues. Fortunately, since they end up snowbound alone together, holiday hosting isn’t one of them!
But the rest of you probably know what I’m talking about: the people you have to invite, but wish you could in fact punt them into the next zip code. You love them… or maybe you don’t, or wish you didn’t.
Maybe you are related to them.
Maybe you are them.
(NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to people or places is purely coincidental. I don’t know anyone who does these things. I have never done these things. Do not try this at home. Do not try this anywhere. I love everyone.)
10) The guest who arrives at a potluck bearing a box of chocolates, after signing up to bring mashed potatoes, and tells you, “Who eats potatoes anymore anyway?”
9) The guests who bring their children to an adult event, in a non-childproofed home, and then set them loose with the words, “Look at all the wonderful things to play with!”
8) The guest who shows up two hours early, just to “keep you company” in the kitchen, when you and your partner are still in the screaming stage and you haven’t showered yet.
7) The guest who brings a new boyfriend who spends his time wandering from room to room “admiring the lay-out” when he is, in fact, casing the joint.
6) The guest who explains at the table, in great detail and with compelling oratory skills, her latest surgery, the post-op infection, what it felt like when the urinary catheter was removed and how long it took to start pooping again.
5) The guest who examines every dish on the sideboard, only to proclaim them all unsuitable because they contain: eggs/dairy/carbohydrates/meat/gluten/caffeine/sugar/sugar-substitute/GMOs or were cooked using aluminum or plastic or micro-waves.
4) The guests who ask to bring the small, short-haired dog they just adopted and don’t want to leave alone yet and will stay in his crate… only to arrive with Kong, who could be mistaken for an overactive, drooling Clydesdale and for whom no crate is large enough.
3) The guest who arrives with three unexpected friends, who’ve just returned from Machu Picchu and have given up bathing.
2) The guest who discovers your hidden 31-year old Laphroaig single-malt Scotch whiskey … and offers to add it to his Bailey’s and Kahlua and make special coffees all around.
in #1 Spot, The Worst Guest Ever is: the one who doesn’t notice at the end of the night that everyone else except your best friend has left, and you’re desperately awaiting the after-party debriefing – once that person leaves!
… Now, we’re all friends here; tell me your best Worst Guest story.
Roxanne is also giving away one eBook of the winner’s choice: Three River Ranch, His Reluctant Rancher or Fake Fiance, Real Revenge!
Just share your “Worst Guest Story” in the comments below to be entered to win this prize.
You must be 18 to enter. Winner will be chosen by random.org. Ends at midnight on 12/17/13. Winner will be notified by email and has 48 hours to respond.
Roxanne Snopek is the author of ten books, more than 150 articles, and has had short fiction published in several anthologies. She is currently serving as Vice-President of the Romance Writers of America Greater Vancouver Chapter. She and her family live in the Pacific Northwest, where she’s at work on more love stories for Entangled Publishing. You can connect with Roxanne on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads or visit her website.
Be sure and check out Stranded with a Hero, A Bliss Christmas Anthology by Karen Erickson, Coleen Kwan, Cindi Madsen and Roxanne Snopek.