Most people know someone who was adopted–someone who has enjoyed a great life filled with opportunities. And, someone who is grateful to their biological parents for choosing what they believed was best for their baby. Still, it is not an easy choice.
If you have recently discovered that you are pregnant and are not sure if you are ready for motherhood, there are a few important questions that you need to ask yourself.
Can you count on the father?
If the baby’s father is currently “out of the picture,” you will be solely responsible for your child’s welfare. Are you ready to juggle middle-of-the-night feedings, endless diaper changings, and load after load of laundry? Many single parents do manage to successfully raise happy and healthy children. But, if this sounds far too overwhelming, you may wish to consider adoption.
Do you have a support network?
It is much easier to raise your child on your own if you have a reliable network of family and friends to help out. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s “Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Support,”26.2% of all children under 21 years of age in families lived with only one of their parents.” Raising a child on your own is, obviously, doable, but having someone who can share parenting tips, babysit, help out financially, or simply lend you an ear to moan into will benefit both you and your child.
Can you provide for your child financially?
Children are expensive. In fact, the United States Department of Agriculture reports that in 2013 the estimated average cost for a middle-class family to raise a child from birth to eighteen years of age is a whopping $241,080. That’s a lot of Benjamin Franklins. While no one is suggesting that a child requires designer clothes or the latest high-tech gadgets, it is still an expensive endeavor to provide the basics.
Are you physically and mentally healthy?
Your physical and mental health are important considerations when deciding to keep a baby. If you have a chronic illness that will make it difficult for you to properly care for your child, you will have to include that in your considerations.
If you suffer from significant emotional or mental health issues that you have not dealt with, they could negatively impact your child. It is important to seek professional help to cope with the fallout from abuse, abandonment, depression, anxiety, or addiction before bringing a baby in to your life.
Are you willing to change your plans?
If you had your life all mapped out, having a child will significantly alter these plans. Megan Cohen’s “When You’re Not Ready to be a Mom” advises that “if you dream of earning a college degree, but are still several years away from achieving that dream, motherhood may need to wait.” It takes a wealth of strength and determination to juggle a budding career and child as well, so you will need to re-visit your priorities and decide what is more important to you.
Remember that the decision is yours–and only yours. And both decisions–whether you keep your baby or put her up for adoption–are noble acts of a mother’s love.
Did you consider putting a child up for adoption? What influenced your decision?
Kimberley Laws is a freelance writer, avid blogger, and illustrator. You can follow her at The Embiggens Project or Searching for Barry Weiss.
Kay Adeola says
July 29, 2014 at 11:31 amI can understand why some people do need to give up their child or children for adoption and I could never begin to imagine how hard that must be.
N Phoenix says
July 29, 2014 at 11:52 amI do know much children have made my life so filling. I think adoption is such a beautiful gift for both parents and child. Children are such a blessing.
Danielle says
July 29, 2014 at 12:38 pmVery interesting post. I have a cousin that is adopted that is the only person that i have known personally.
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
July 29, 2014 at 1:29 pmI honestly don’t know if I have it in me to put a child up for adoption. I think it would eat at me every minute of every day wondering what happened to him or her.
Tami says
July 29, 2014 at 1:54 pmMy best friend was adopted when she was two weeks old. When she was fifteen she met her birth parents who apparently hated that they had to give her up. When they saw how terrific she was, they embraced her adoptive parents. They are all friends now.
I think it’s hard to give the baby you carried for nine months up for adoption, but if your circumstances won’t allow it, perhaps he/she would be better off with another family who could give him/her a life that they deserve.
becca says
July 29, 2014 at 3:14 pmWe tried adopting years ago but due to my health we kept getting turned down. now I have a beautiful teenage boy sometimes things just work out.
Amber NElson says
July 29, 2014 at 3:55 pmThere is nothing wrong with adoption. There are so many kids that need homes.
Sarah Bailey says
July 29, 2014 at 5:09 pmI am adopted and I went through a hard time exception that in my teens – I couldn’t get my head around the fact someone who is meant to love you could do such a thing, now I realise thats what love was – being able to give away that precious bundle of life because you know you can’t do the best and giving them another opportunity. x
Lady Lilith says
July 29, 2014 at 5:12 pmWow. This is really interesting. I have not though of giving up my children but I have always wanted to adopt a child. This just gave me incredible insight.
Jennifer Wiliams says
July 29, 2014 at 6:08 pmThat is such a tough decision to make, I was a single mom for many years and have no regrets. It was hard, but we made it. There are great resources out there to help you no matter what you decide.
Amy Desrosiers says
July 29, 2014 at 6:25 pmI never considered putting my children up for adoption. I felt when I got pregnant I owed it to my child to give them the best life “I” could.
Anna says
July 29, 2014 at 7:08 pmI only know one person that gave up a child for adoption, but she doesn’t talk about it, so I imagine it was one of the hardest things she has ever done, but I don’t really know. However, I regularly babysat for a family with 1 biological kid and 2 adopted kids (1 of which they added to the family after I started watching the older 2) and they are all happy and grateful to be together as a family. It was really neat to see how grateful they were for the woman that gave them their son and how excited the girls were to get a new brother.
Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM says
July 29, 2014 at 8:13 pmI never considered adoption, but I believe in it as a gift for the children – and both sets of parents! This post is really beautiful!
Coolchillmom says
July 29, 2014 at 8:29 pmI think those who adopt are very giving people. I know many who have done so and have beautiful happy families. I can also understand this who have to give up their babies
Babita@BabsProjects says
July 29, 2014 at 9:17 pmAs a mom of two girls, I personally don’t think I would be able to give up my child for adoption. But, that does not mean I don’t understand mothers that choose to do it. It must be an extremely difficult decision for them.
Mommy2Jam says
July 29, 2014 at 9:54 pmI think these are all great points. Many of my friends have adopted and it has been such a wonderful blessing for them. What a beautiful gift.
Amanda Ripsam says
July 29, 2014 at 11:12 pmI know a few people who were adopted and I know a few mom’s who had to give their children up for adoption because of various reasons. I really do feel like I have had my entire life turned around having my Bella and I’m so grateful to have her.
Rosey says
July 30, 2014 at 9:33 amI think it is a beautiful option to adopt a child out if you feel you must for various reasons. I am sure it is difficult, but what a wonderful thing to do for the child and the family who adopts.
Krystal says
July 30, 2014 at 9:40 amIt is a hard choice and a personal decision. I also don’t think I could do it.
Rena McDaniel-The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver says
July 30, 2014 at 9:50 amI am a big believer in adoption although it has never touched my life except I know a few people who were adopted. I would want any mother to keep her baby but if it is not in the best interest of the child why not show them how much you love them and give them a better life. It’s the best thing you could do for your newborn.
Marina @ Mommy Snippets says
July 30, 2014 at 10:36 amGreat article. I love that you provide this information for the many that may be in need of it right now.
Trista says
July 30, 2014 at 10:40 amThank you for sharing this post, when I became pregnant with my twins I considered adoption because I was not ready to be a mom, but I decided not to,I also know some women who have put children up for adoption and it was the best decision they made for their kids.
Michelle S says
July 30, 2014 at 11:55 amNot to be crude, and I understand children grow up having issues knowing they’re adopted, wondering why their parents didn’t “want” them, but maybe they gave you up for adoption so YOU could have a better life knowing they couldn’t give you the world they wanted to give you to someone who couldn’t have kids, who could give you better. This article is great because it forces women to evaluate the situation.
Marielle Altenor says
July 30, 2014 at 5:48 pmIt never crossed my mind to put my child up for adoption. But then again I wasn’t in a my situation that would have warrant the need of doing that. I don’t judge someone that would put their kid up for adoption.
Toni says
July 30, 2014 at 7:10 pmI love that adoption is an option. I would love to adopt one day.
cbrazil says
July 30, 2014 at 8:04 pmI have several friends that have been adopted, and it is so heart warming to hear their stories. I am lucky enough to have my own two children, but if I couldn’t I would have any doubt adopting a child.
Tough Cookie Mommy says
July 30, 2014 at 8:09 pmThis is such an important post for those who are curious about the details of adoption. It’s important to consider all sides of this topic.
Julia says
August 10, 2014 at 8:18 pmI am a mother that DID give my child up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It was traumatic… , it brought me to my knees. But… if you are a parent you know that there is absolutely nothing that you would not do for your child. You see… I had to do what was best for her, NOT what was best for me. For those of you considering adoption, don’t let the fear & pain scare you away from your decision. Truly think & base your decision on what is best for your child. You will be judged. There will be those that don’t understand how you could just “give your baby away to some strangers”. …. Because I love my baby more than I love life itself… that’s why. My story of how I came to this decision doesn’t really matter. Some will be judgmental, some will understand… It doesn’t matter. It took me a long time to get to the acceptance phase. There will be a myriad of emotions before & after. Get counseling… The pain will never go completely away, but there will come a time where you get to a coping point. If you are considering this option you evidently are in a place where you question whether you can provide the best situation for your child. It was absolutely the worst thing I could do for “me” emotionally… but it was without question the very best decision I could have made for my baby girl. The child’s interest comes first, always. On a brighter note… My baby girl is now 20 and contacted me on Facebook.We started with very brief, tentative messages, then went to texting on our cells and last month talked on the phone for the first time. It’s still a very sensitive and tender relationship and she is not quite sure just how much she wants to know yet… But I heard her voice… she is happy, healthy and a junior in college. Did I make the right decision? Absolutely. If you are facing making this decision, my heart is with you <3