I have been on the “Road To Reinvention” for a few years now and it all started with a decision. I knew I was unhappy, bored, working too much, and really had lost myself both physically and mentally. I would look in the mirror and wonder, “Is that really what I look like?” I was so used to saying “yes” to doing for others; my son, husband, mom, or a client, that I did not know how to say “yes” to myself. It was even harder to say “no” to things that I didn’t have time for or really wanted to do.
One of my favorite quotes is: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
Here are Seven Steps that helped me get on the Road To Reinvention:
1. Take Stock
In order to start the process of reinventing yourself you have to have a starting point. It is time to be brutally honest with yourself. Often we tolerate so much for so long that we lose sight of our authentic, beautiful, and loving self. Ask yourself, “What am I tolerating that I really shouldn’t?” Set a private time to write down your thoughts and keep writing no matter what comes up or how painful. You cannot fix what you cannot acknowledge.
2. Have A Vision
What helped me with creating a vision of what I wanted was to answer the question: “If money was not an issue and I knew I could not fail, what would I really want to do with my life?” Using a Vision Board where I posted pictures and sayings that “spoke to me” really helped. It had been so long since I thought of my dreams that I really didn’t know what I liked or felt called to do.
3. Choose A Destination
Once you get the idea that you want to “reinvent yourself,” you may feel like you want to change everything. At least that is how I felt! Choose one or two things that are most important to you. For me it was feeling joy and fun and taking better care of my health and appearance. What I found is that once you start changing one aspect of your life for the better, every aspect of your life changes too.
4. Gather Supplies
What do you need to get on the “Road To Reinvention?” The most important thing is an open mind. Start really looking at who you surround yourself with, what type of music do you listen to, what are you watching on TV, etc. Start cultivating people who support your changes and inspire you in person and online. One of my favorite influencers has been Tonya Leigh of French Kiss Life. She has totally changed my thinking about taking care of myself and surrounding myself with “luxury”… whatever your definition of that is.
5. Create A Road Map
Once you have decided what aspects of your life you want to change, you need a “road map” to get there. Remember reinventing yourself is a work in progress and all it takes is a few small changes to feel better. For me waking up and hour early and having a really nice breakfast with a cup of brewed hot coffee changed the whole course of my day. I usually will grab an inspirational book or listen to some mediation on line during that hour.
Do you want to start writing? Sign up for a writing course at the local community college. Want to work with animals? Volunteer at one of the local shelters. Want to be around women who are also at a new stage in their lives? Join a Meetup or find a free Online Community. Find your Tribe. They are out there.
6. Follow A Guide
One of the things that really helped me is reading about people who have pulled themselves out of the depths of depression, poverty, and physical and emotional pain. They have used their experiences to create lives of joy, purpose, and passion. Find someone who has accomplished what you want and follow them. Whether you want to lose weight, have an organized home, or learning to put yourself first, there are many women doing just that and sharing it all for free online. Reading an hour every day really changed my perspective. My “Bible” was The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. She asked the important question, “How do you really want to feel?”
7. Take A Solo Day Trip
It’s probably been a very long time since you went off by yourself for a little “mini vacation”. Trust me the kids, spouse, work, and even the pets will survive if you are gone for a day! Ask yourself “Where do I want to go that would serve my reinvention?” and go there. It might be an art museum, the beach, high tea, a cooking class, or even spending the whole day alone in your pajamas reading books. Treat yourself as you would a special guest! For me this was not as easy as it sounds, because we are so used to putting ourselves last. Now it is a habit and so worth it.
I hope this has inspired you to put yourself first and realize we can create the woman we really were meant to be. Follow me next time when I go into more depth about each step on The Road To Reinvention.
Holly Zucker is a wife, mother of a grown son, business owner and on the “Road to Reinvention”. After feeling like she had “lost herself” she has spent the last few years bringing back joy, pleasure, passion, fun, and community into her life. Her mission is to help other women “reinvent themselves” and start living their dreams and desires. We’ve done so much for everyone else, it’s our turn now!
What a great post. I so need this. I always do things for my family and hardly have the time for myself.
That seems pretty common. We are all too busy!
It took me along time, too long, to get to where I could put myself first. Don’t wait.
I have done many solo day trips over the years. There is just something about being alone for a whole day that brings so much clarity.
I have never taken a solo day trip, unless you count going to visit my family without my Hubs. Maybe I should try it.
Some women I know just plan a day at home when no one else is there. They make themselves a fabulous meal, put the music on, read or watch a movie, light candles or even take a nap without interruption. I think it’s just the idea of doing just what you want and catering to your needs that makes it special.
I’d love to do a solo day trip to get some time to think by myself. I am currently rinventing myself as a healthier person.
It’s important to take stock of your life every few years and this post has some great tips. I love that you suggested a vision board!
Thank you so much, that means alot.
These are good tips. I try to find time alone, but it’s so hard with kids, and think about me. I am trying to better myself in stages. Not so easy but at least I’m trying.
Thank you. If possible try to schedule an hour in the morning even if it means getting up earlier or maybe instead of watching TV at night maybe journal or read something inspirational.
I don’t remember when the last time was I put myself first–I really should start and NOW is the perfect time!
Michelle,
I can completely relate. Don’t wait, create the habit now and your family will adjust!
Taking a solo day trip sounds like a great idea. It’s always nice to get away.
Pam,
I hope you get a chance to enjoy a day trip alone. Have fun.
Having time to think on a day trip sounds like a great idea. You could really make some changes with this process!
I would LOVE to take a solo day trip. I think that could be very helpful to me soon here. I need a little bit of a break, so that would be a fun idea!
So glad you like that idea. You don’t have to go far just go somewhere you want to go. Some women go to Museums, bookstores, the beach, park, Farmer’s Market, a restaurant that maybe their spouse never wants to go to,etc.
That definitely sounds doable and it would be nice to get some thinking time. A museum would be perfect for thinking more creatively.
I have done solo trips too. It helps to clear the mind for sure.
Those steps sound good to me and ones I need to do. I have gained weight drastically due to menopause and a thyroid issue that I can’t seem to lose. I’ll try your steps.
I need to lose about 10 lbs, so I need to get on that before it goes any higher.
Kim,
I can definitely relate. I have gained weight and have gone through Menopause so I understand. What really changed my thinking was following a site called French Kiss Life and also another by Jennifer L Scott who wrote Lessons From Madame Chic. They both stressed that no matter what weight or age we are we should still treat ourselves like a Queen, meaning dress the best that we can afford, treat ourselves with love and respect, and slow down.
I’ve been in the reinventing phase for about 18 months and believe I need a day of purpose for myself. I’m excited about your post with great resources and guidance just at the point where I need it! Thank you.
Elizabeth,
Thanks so much for your comments. I see alot of us are on ” The Road To Reinvention”.
I love being places by myself. Even the dentist, lol!
Heather,
I don’t know if I would go as far as the Dentist, but I am so glad you do take the time to enjoy being alone.
This post was so refreshing and empowering. I like how you broke it down on what we could do to find our identity. Loved this post thanks for sharing.
Sacha,
Your comments make me so happy. Thank you and I am so glad you liked it.
That is a great quote from Buddha! I love the one day vacay/staycation idea. I’d totally hit up the beach 🙂
Thanks for this great post. I really think that every woman needs to reinvent themselves every once in a while. It’s really important for identity and our self confidence
Paula,
I appreciate your comments.I realized that even after my Son was grown and moved out I still kept the role of “Mom” and identified with that and that was not my main identity anymore, I needed to “reinvent” myself and find out what I wanted to do and be in the next chapter of my Life!
Love this quote: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha.
I am, in a way, on the road to reinvention. Can be a little bumpy but well worth the destination.
Pam,
So glad you liked the quote. I would say the road for me has been more than “bumpy” because we have to come face to face with the things we don’t want to look at. Once we face them then change can occur.
I think it’s about time for me to travel on the road of reinvention! I like the idea of creating a road map and Signing up for a writing course at a community college. I’ll have to look into that!
Trisha,
So glad you like the idea of a writing class. I know many women who are taking Ceramics, Acting, Ballroom Dancing, Flower Arranging, Yoga, Gourmet Cooking, even getting their BA degree at age 50. You never know what “gift” you have or who you will meet.
These are some great tips! I’ve always told myself that you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself first.
Thank you. I think it great that you already know to take care of yourself first, it took me along time to learn that.
Sometimes we realize that our path is unclear or isn’t the right path for us. That’s when reinvention becomes important. I know how it feels. You gave some great advice for the process!
Thank you. I always say “nothing is written in stone and we can change our minds a million times”. I have had many jobs and businesses and am finally listening to that “little voice” before I make a decision.
I think for me, coming up with the vision is the hard part. I have a lot of interested and loves. Narrowing it all down is tough.
Maryann,
I have a cork board with pushpins that I use as a Vision Board and I change it quite often. I can see it while I am sitting at my desk and sometimes I will look at a picture for a few weeks and realize “I don’t really want that after all”! My desires seem to be getting simpler and simpler as I get older.
Thank you for all the wonderful comments and support. The Road To Reinvention has and continues to be a process for me. In my early years of marriage and being a parent I never realized how important “Self Care” was. In fact I remember when we were kids growing up and we would be going out to a restaurant on a Sunday night, everyone was ready except my Mom who was waiting for her Slip to dry in the dryer (that was when women still wore dresses everywhere) or she was still putting her makeup on. I realize she never put herself first. Now that’s an “AH HA” moment!
I have just took a stand to do something that I want to do thank you for your post it will help guide me I am sure
Angie,
That is so exciting and I am so happy that my post will help you. Best of luck
A solo day trip sounds wonderful but as I don’t drive it’s only a dream. I am liking your ideas here though.
Rebecca,
Even if you don’t drive you can still plan a “Solo Day”. You can take a walk in your neighborhood, take a bus somewhere (if available) or even have a “Solo Day” at home. When I know no one will be home I rent a movie that I know my Husband would never watch like a romantic comedy or a movie with subtitles. I eat something delicious that either I cook or have delivered. Sometimes I love to have breakfast for dinner. I use good dishes and light candles and treat myself as a “special guest”. I know it sounds corny and if you have a family that eats in front of th TV and lives for Sports , it might even feel uncomfortable but you will really enjoy it.
This has been a big year of renovations for me. Relationships, our home and myself!
Mama,
You should be so proud of yourself. Very inspiring.
I need to make of list of things I want to change. This is a great check list to follow.
Janell,
When I started this I wanted to change everything”! My suggestion is just to choose a couple of things that are really important and work on those. For me I wanted to bring joy into my life everyday and improve my health. Working on those things and feeling better about myself started to affect other areas of my life in a positive way.
Just keep in mind “it’s a process”.
I have a semi-solo trip planned. It’s for a conference/expo but I will have a room to myself for 2 nights. Aaah!!
That sounds wonderful. I love staying in a hotel by myself although it rarely happens. Aaah is right. Enjoy.
Great tips. Mostly I need to find a vision and then focus on it.
Thank you. Don’t be afraid to change your Vision, sometimes what we think we want is not what we want at all. Just start and remember “it’s a process”. Three years ago I thought I wanted a big house with all the upgrades. Through this process I realized that what I really want is some land with maybe a tiny house and some Alpacas and maybe Goats! Never saw that coming!
I feel like I am somewhat pulling my reinvention back together.
You’ve got good tips here. I think the mini vacation would be nice. It’s great to regroup once in awhile.
Rosey,
So glad you enjoyed reading it. I like the idea of “time to regroup”.
I like taking little trips Helps me refocus.
Debbie,
Good for you, you’re ahead of the game! So many women are afraid to take time for themselves. Enjoy
As a mom or parent, I think “alone time” is more valuable than ever. Sometimes you just need that moment to relax and feel like you have nothing to worry about. Even if just for a few minutes or hours. You had me at “reinvention” cause I love the title!
Lexie,
Thank you for your comments that makes me feel great. When my Son was young I hardly ever took time for myself, so glad that you are doing that already.
A life reinvention is such a great thing for anyone to do. I could use this in my own life at this time. Actually have needed this for a long time. Thanks for the tips and and inspiration to do this huge life changing thing. Bookmarked this page so I can use this as a guide to help myself make some big changes. Thanks
Heidi,
So glad this post resonated with you. I would say pick one or two aspects of your life that you would like to work on instead of trying to change everything at once. As you start on those things you will see that changes in one area of your life will positively affect other areas of your life.
We’ve all travelled on this Road which can be lonely and unfamiliar. I like that you have listed all realistic steps especially “Take Stock” as we have a perception of how we look and feel
Lorane,
I so agree that the “Road” can be lonely, especially if you are sharing your feelings with those that don’t understand. So glad you like the Steps to follow. Sometimes “taking stock” can be the hardest step of all so be patient with yourself.