Written by Jasmin
Before coming to Spain, the administrators at school and students who had already been abroad stressed safety. They said the usual spiel: don’t travel alone, be aware of your surroundings, be smart about drinking. Of course I planned to take all this information to heart; I had never been outside North America. However, once I got here, I realized that while the information I received was good advice, there was nothing to be scared of. Spain is just like any other country, some bad apples, but mostly good ones. There is definitely a lot less crime in Toledo than back home. My intercambio partner, Diego, who is studying to become a policemen, told me that the main job of the local police force is to worry about traffic violations (which is why he wants to join the national force). Yes, just like everyone will tell you, the men in Spain do yell out things like “¡Hola, guapa!” but nothing ever comes of it. One person explained to me that it’s like a game. The goal is to see which American girl will pay you the most (or any) attention. If you blend into the culture, by speaking Spanish, knowing where you are going, etc., people basically leave you alone.
Having put all of these facts together in my head, I’ve been pretty comfortable here. I don’t feel like an outsider or a tourist, so while I am naturally aware of my surroundings, I am not always on red alert. However, I’ve noticed that this attitude doesn’t sit well with some of the other students, especially girls, who are studying here with me. I’ve already mentioned how big groups are not my thing, so when I want to go somewhere, I basically just go. Depending on who’s around, I’ll invite people to go, but if they don’t want to join me, I’ll just go by myself, whether it be to the store, to get some ice cream, to the plaza, etc. Many of the other girls here don’t operate that way; they don’t want to go anywhere unless someone else is going, and a male escort is always necessary. I can read the surprise on people’s faces when I mention going to my friends’ house by myself (they live a short bus ride away), and they can be a bit put out when I insist on going somewhere even though Steve/Mike/Brad isn’t coming along.
I would never put myself in a dangerous situation for the sake of “independence,” and I’m not trying to suggest that flying solo is always the best idea, but it peeves me a little that so many girls have the whole “damsel in distress” attitude and expect me to act accordingly. Quite frankly, if something were to go down here, I think I could save myself before any of the “big, strong, burly men” could react…I have very bony knees. 😉 Plus, I’m too old and have way too much attitude for a chaperone. The times I’ve gone someplace wild, like the discoteca where people have a botellón (a free-for-all drinking fest) in the streets, I’ve had male friends with me who’ve had my back should a problem arise, but I don’t need someone breathing down my neck every 5 minutes, and I certainly don’t need someone to go with me to the grocery store, which is all of 2 minutes away. I think it’s good that the school and other students encourage safety and good judgment, but I wish they wouldn’t do it in a way that puts us back in the 50s. Either way, I’m not interested in becoming Lucy Ricardo anytime soon.
Another great piece, Jasmin. You write so well and I really feel like I am there with you. I love reading your blog also.
I have always gotten the impression that you are a very independent, strong, intelligent woman from the first time I met you via the internet last summer. Those are the kind of traits that will take you far in life.
I am glad you are enjoying your trip and that you are safe. I think I read where you only have two weeks left. I hope you enjoy every minute of it and look forwarded to reading more of your experiences.
Jasmin,
I also remember you are a big sister to I believe triplets. Are they reading your blog and do they have a lot of questions for you?
Jasmin, do you think that maybe part of this extreme worry is because people from here are afraid of anything that’s not-in-or-from-the-USA? I even had people worry about my well-being when I went to Japan, THE safest country in the world! Or is it because that sometimes students go wild when abroad and far from authoritative eyes? I wonder if the Amanda Knox case in Italy has something to do with it, too. I’m the same way as you when it comes to doing things by myself when need be. I’ve wandered around Japan and China by myself and gotten pleasantly lost, on days that I didn’t feel like having a group dictate what I got to do 🙂 Plus, you’re absorbing a lot more by than you would if you were just talking in English with your North American friends the entire time. And everyone reading your posts gets to absorb it all, too 🙂
Pam: I am having such a great time! I am truthfully “living it up.” (lol, I wrote on my blog that I party on Tuesday nights here and I´d never do that back home!) Besides fiestas, I really am learning so much here (and I go to every class!). I´ve made so many friends too–some of them asked for my address/email/etc. so that they can write me when I go back to the States. I´m hoping to come back next summer to do research, and it would be great to already have friends here the second time around.Yes my sisters are triplets, and they seem to be enjoying my blog. I talk to my family on the phone every Sunday, but they mostly just say they miss me. (Aww!) They are learning Spanish, which is why I write in Spanish sometimes so that they keep practicing. When I get home I know they are going to want to see and hear everything–plus, I got my family a ton of gifts! I love shopping for other people–for myself, not so much. :-PEydie:I do think there is a lot of USA bias. The men of foreign countries are portrayed as dangerous predators, but I know I get hit on just as often back home (ever walked past a construction site?), so I don´t see it as a unique characteristic of Spanish men. I agree that people do go wild abroad, but the people I´ve known to be like that are equally as wild back home, for instance, at school when parents aren´t around. Honestly, I think some people like the idea of being the “forbidden American fruit,” but actually the opinion a lot of Spanish men have of American women isn´t that great–it´s not really about attractiveness, it´s about getting something easily. (I´ll just leave it at that.)I had to Google the Amanda Knox case–I hadn´t heard of it. (Now I feel like an ignoramus, but I´m glad you enlightened me!) :-)Yes doing things on my own has been great. I am a very impatient person (one of my many imperfections), and I hate being around people who need every step explained. For instance, the people who call to ask how to get somewhere, and where´s the Metro, and what time the Metro comes, and all of those other little details that one should be able to figure out on one´s own. I´m sure it depends on where you are from, but I am just used to always knowing things for myself (like directions, or schedules, or safety info) because in the moment, it´s every man for himself. Yes, the people who work at the Fund keep stressing that we speak Spanish, but some people really don´t want to (I guess because they aren´t good, but you can´t improve if you don´t practice). I´m basically fluent, and I feel some people here get intimidated when talking to me, but I prefer to speak in Spanish because that´s what I´m here for. I get annoyed when people constantly complain about how bad they are but never practice to get better. I´ll admit that languages are my “thing,” and I can pick them up more easily than most, but I still had to practice, so I don´t like when people imply I somehow have it easier or that it´s a bad thing that I speak Spanish well.
Pam,I just noticed that you put the picture of the flamenco club up with this post! I am still working on putting the videos I took up on my blog–I don´t know if it´s the bad internet connection or what but I can´t get them on and I really want to share. 🙂
Jasmin, I can’t wait to see your videos. I’m glad you’re having such a wonderful time. I am in awe of anyone who can learn languages. I have tried. I have a nice tape set that I got when I was laid up w/a back injury. I was going to learn Spanish. Ha! I learned like 8 words. It’s hard for me to unlearn to learn and that’s what it feels like. I am determined to try again, because my little one seems to have a good ear and is interested.
I am not surprised by the group mentality. I was surprised by it in my own town. I have had girlfriends that wouldn’t drive to the big city by themselves. I used to work there and walk all over at the time as did many many others. To me, it was about 50 years behind the times, but it was scary for them. That was their imperfection. 🙂
I bet your sisters can’t wait to see you again.
Keep enjoying.
Jasmin, kudos to you for exploring the world like this and taking on a new culture! It’s funny cause I live in Puerto Rico in a “tourist heavy” zone and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at the beach or nearby shop/cafe and a tourist strikes up a conversation with me and tells me how much safer and easier the place is than they thought! Go figure!I think the media has a lot to do with that. Obviously the focus is the sad state of the world, foregoing more “non-news” about how billions of people’s lives are just like those of your neighbors down the street. I’m not saying don’t throw caution to the wind, one has to be careful even in their own backyard, but I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there having fun!¡Espero que la pases SUPER bien y que continues informándonos sobre todas tus aventuras! ¡Un fuerte abrazo!
Great story, Jasmin! Very, very interesting!And I’m glad you ventured out on your own. The warnings you got remind me of friends and relatives that visit New York City, they think no one but muggers live here waiting to pounce! And these are people that live in the United States, not friends and relatives from Europe (the Swedish relatives LOVE New York and travel around by subway themselves without knowing the language!).Enjoy the rest of your time there, it all sound so wonderful!
Thanks to you all! :-)Yes, some people have had bad things happen (like pickpocketing and such) but it was more a case of poor judgment (or intoxication) than the innocent little lamb being roughed up by the big city. Eileen, you should here what people say about Chicago! Every group of people on the corner are just waiting to jump you, according to some. Having lived there my whole life, I can say that´s definitely not true.Soly: ¡Muchísimas gracias! Espero hacer todo que sea posible durante las dos semanas que me quedan. 🙂
Jasmin, I really enjoyed this piece. I believe you posted something similar on your blog. Very eye-opening. People and their preconceptions can be so far off-base.
On a somewhat similar note, I have lived in areas that are considered “high crime” in my life and never been bothered. Years ago I had a car stereo stolen. My daughter got an i-pod snatched by some middle-schoolers once, but nothing *serious* has ever happened. And I think a big part is blending in with your surroundings. Being frinedly (not standoffish or seemingly scared), but not too friendly.
I can tell you are getting so much from this experience and it couldn’t happen to nicer or more deserving person. Can’t wait to see the videos.
Great piece, Jasmin! I wonder if some of these girls come from more sheltered backgrounds and are just used to being “protected”. Or maybe they’re just drama queens. 🙂 Either way, I know what you mean – I really don’t like the damsel-in-distress routine. Not that I’m hugely self-sufficient – I had a dead battery last week and got a jump start from the security guard in my office building, and I think I acted pretty girly and helpless there (car trouble brings that out in me). But being a city girl I think I have always had that sense that I can take care of myself, and it sounds like you have it, too. It doesn’t mean you just go running off without considering whether a situation is safe or not, and figure you can handle it. It means you have a more reasonable idea to start with of what situations are safe and what are not. It sounds like you’re getting a lot out of this experience and I think in part it’s because you’re an ideal traveler – curious, adventurous and smart. Good for you!
Jasmin, I definitley shared your “that’s sexist” attitude in the past, now- not so much. I dont know anything about the safety of the area but the fact that it is stressed so much by administrators would make my antennae go up. I dont blame you for wanting to be independent but I would make sure my independence didnt get in the way of my safety. When the same advice comes up again and again, sometimes there is wisdom in taking it. I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself so much! It sounds like an experience that you will never forget 🙂
Anya,
I agree that blending in is key–it’s silly to complain about attracting negative attention when you do everything you can to draw attention to yourself in the first place.
Jennie,
Since I go to ND, I bet the majority of kids there are sheltered. I will definitely go damsel-in-distress over car trouble (or broken things, my hand-eye coordination isn’t the best).
Samantha,
The problem I had with the meeting we had at school is that all of the study abroad programs for summer and fall were lumped together in one meeting. Obviously, the experience someone has in Egypt (especially a girl) is going to be different than what one has in France, and so on. When I went to the general meeting for just people in my program, none of the students who talked to us mentioned having any problems (the only advice they gave was watch out for pickpockets). I feel like the video at the big meeting was supposed to put the fear in us, and it was scary. It featured like 5 people, and like 3 of them had gotten sexually assaulted while studying abroad. None of them were in Spain (well, none of them were even in Europe), and I just think it would’ve served us better to talk about the specific challenges of each location, rather than having a weird “stranger-danger” thing. (I swear, they must have dug up the worst incidents they could find, because these stories were horrific, and super personal. It made me slightly uncomfortable to watch them because these people are still walking around campus somewhere.) From what I’ve seen in Toledo, there is like zero crime. The police don’t even carry guns! (That surprised me.) I’m sure that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but it annoys me to hear people whining about every little thing like we live in the middle of a war zone.
I think that’s what bothers me most of all–people whining because they want to be dependent on others. As I see it, if you don’t want to walk home by yourself, fine, but you are giving someone else the right to decide when you leave. I get easily annoyed (no surprise :-P), and I hate when people want someone else to make all of the decisions, but then critique every decision that’s made. As I told someone last night, the only legs I have control over are mine, so I’m not going to tell someone where they can or cannot go, since I have yet to birth any children. If you need to always be with someone else, that’s cool, but I figure if you go with me realize that you are saying that you are going to do what I want to do and you relinquish your self-actualization (I love that word and I wanted to throw it in) to me. If I’m bored and want to go home, I’ll just go (after letting someone know so they don’t look for me). I’m not going to bitch and moan (tm Jennie) for 30 minutes about how badly I want to leave when it’s a 5 minute walk back to the place we live. If I absolutely refuse to go back by myself, then I guess I’m parking my butt on a barstool until someone else goes. I just hate when people play the victim, like someone is “making” them stay there. People’s behavior when partying bothers me more than any safety concerns, though I have an opinion on everyone and everything so it makes for good blog fodder. 🙂
Wow, Jasmin, that orientation sounds ridiculous. If I were you I might say something to the folks that run it when I return. I totally agree that it doesn’t make sense to lump all locations together (except maybe for very general advice, as a precursor to more directed group meetings). The video sounds really inappropriate and hysterical (not in the ha-ha sense, in the way-overreacting sense). I understand that they want their kids to be safe, but they aren’t doing them any service by creating unreasonable fears.
Jennie,
I was definitely terrified. I was convinced that I was going to get followed home every night and raped in a dark alley by strange men. Plus, the video made me so uncomfortable because these people were just like “Yep, here’s what happened” and the bad choices or mistakes or whatever were so obvious (like one person got super drunk and was “in a relationship” with a local, one provoked a fight with someone, etc) that I felt like they were basically blaming the victims as we looked at them in the face (well, on a video, but they showed their faces multiple times and told us their names and where they studied–there are only 8000 undergrads here so it’s not exactly anonymous). For every story there was some kind of “shouldn’t have done this” moment and I just felt horrible for the kids in the video. It was so matter-of-fact, and ND already has a horrible sexual assault policy that I really didn’t get any helpful messages at all. What I learned was that I should use common sense (duh), otherwise I’d end up on a video telling 300 random people about something very personal.