Welcome to “Poll Talk.” Our question for this poll is…
Is It Acceptable To Check Your Spouse/Partner’s E-mail And Text Messages?
All you have to do is ask any woman, or man for that matter, who has experienced their partner being unfaithful to them in their relationship this question and I am sure you would get a resounding YES!
It must be very hard to resist the temptation of checking up on a spouse or partner once they have cheated on you. Today’s social media sites and smartphones make it so easy to do so. I think many people would say that this could be seen as reasonable behavior although most likely wouldn’t help towards mending fences in the long run. I know it would be next to impossible to ignore the beeping of an incoming text message on my husband’s phone coming in late at night if he had been involved in an affair in the past.
What about in a relationship where a couple has not experienced unfaithfulness? Is it ok for a spouse or partner to routinely check emails and text messages to make sure that their significant other isn’t straying from the straight and narrow? One would wonder how secure that relationship is in the first place.
With information so readily available at one’s fingertips in today’s world, it can be oh so tempting. What are your thoughts? Take our poll.
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Pam Buttikofer is a co-founder of Imperfect Women. She is a Registered Nurse and worked in that field for over 33 years before retiring in 2010. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband of 36 years and enjoys spending time with her husband and sons.
My husband passed before cellphones but I admit I probably would check out his messages every now and then.
I don;t really care if he reads mine. But it would be weird to do it behind my back.
I say yes—he can read mine–we are to have NO SECRETS unless he’s planning a great birthday SURPRISE PARTY!!!=)
My husband doesn’t care about email, he has never text. I would not care if he reads mine either.
I don’t have anything in there that he can’t see… unless is a confirmation email about a purchase I made online. LOL
We don’t check each other’s, but we both have the passwords if we chose to. I do check his work email for him at night sometimes when it beeps just so he doesn’t have to wake up, but he knows ahead of time.
I went through my husband’s contacts once, maybe twice, after I lost all my contacts on my phone.
Thanks for this thought provoking post!
I don’t think that marriage meanings giving up privacy 🙂
I picked “I’m not sure” on the poll, and I’m really not sure. Some people/couples are very open and have the attitude that “there are no secrets” in a marriage, and if that works for them, I think that’s great. But I also kind of agree with Patty – marriage doesn’t mean giving up privacy, and you don’t actually become ONE person – you still have your own life, interests, friends, etc. I can imagine a number of circumstances, from very benign to not entirely so, in which a man or woman has the right to expect privacy and a reason to want it. At the far end of the “acceptable” spectrum would be: what if you’re complaining about your spouse in an email to your best friend? You wouldn’t want him to see THAT. Now, some would say that it’s not okay to bitch about your husband to your best friend; it’s a violation of trust, yadda yadda. And again, I understand marriages with those sorts of rules and I think they are great. But I can also imagine marriages where things aren’t perfect and you tell your best friend EVERYTHING and maybe she actually helps put things in perspective or maybe just the venting makes you feel better.
I guess I don’t think there’s any one-size-fits-all answer – I think it’s a matter of what the partners agree to and understand as being their rules. I don’t think it’s okay to snoop behind someone’s back. I mean, if you snoop because you think he’s cheating and you end up being right, he’s obviously more in the wrong than you are, that cheating cheater! But you still did a wrong thing and both of the wrong things are symptoms of a larger problem in the marriage, obviously.
Which is how I feel about snooping when there has been cheating previously – eh, I understand the impulse, but all that is is proof that you don’t trust the other person (understandably). I think that’s what you should be working on, not some external evidence that s/he is or isn’t behaving themselves.
If your significant other has nothing to hide, there shouldn’t be an issue reading their messages/emails/whatever if you want. It’s a matter of whether you feel like you want/need to. IMHO. I’ve been with my hubby for 18 years and if I want, I have access to every account he owns. Do I feel the need to go through them? Nope.
I don’t care. If you have nothing to hide then oh well.
I really respect privacy but sometimes it is tempting to know what’s on his messages and emails…just being curious 🙂
Interestingly enough there was a man charged last year for reading his wife’s emails (and discovering she was having an affair) I believe he was charged with unlawful computer access. He didn’t have her permission to be in her emails.
However the case was thrown out when apparently it was discovered that she was reading his text messages.
I agree with jennie…it’s such a difficult situation.
I trust my husband and he trusts me, I have never felt the need to look at his emails or texts. That being said, we know eachother’s passwords in the event we need to get into one another’s accounts for any reason (in the event one of us is unable to).
Privacy and trust have always been very important in our marriage. I trust my husband and he trusts me and I see no reason to check e-mail. It says something about the state of your relationship when you feel the need to spy.
We both check each others emails sometimes…not to check up o each other because we both have shared contacts that email us in our separate accounts. Facebook we sometimes check each others simply because we share a computer and never log out
If a couple has mutual understanding and trust there is no need to read their email/text.
In general, I think a relationship should be open enough to where that stuff isn’t secret and both people have access to it just as matter of course. If a person really wanted to keep something secret, they would be stupid to text about it, especially where anyone can see it, but there are a lot of stupid people out there. The problem comes when you to a situation where the relationship runs sour and the ex has access to your personal online information and uses it to get back at you or sell you out or bully you like a certain man from Pennsylvania did to his ex.
Amazingly enough, 42% of people admit that they’ve secretly read their significant other’s texts or emails. Check out the poll results: http://pollshare.me/1iWG1zc
when hubby starts going to cehicle to make calls then yes something is up. checked his phone while charging a sextext to sue checked into his phone activity and this has been going on since jan 2015 i find this 2 days before our 43rd wedding anniversary . he said happpy anniversary i said enjoy yours its the last one. i started divorce papers
Is there a poll somewhere? Why am I not seeing it lol…Wife and I are having a heated debate over this issue so I was combing the internet for a poll on the subject…