I hope that every decision I make, and we make as a family, will be the one that always keep them on the “right track” … whatever that means.
I look at the boys and often think, “What are they going to be like in five years, ten years, and twenty?” Wait! Wait! I need to stop right there. It’s way too soon to be thinking about them when they are twenty-one, although, I know it’s going to be here before we know it.
What are their personalities going to be like? Will they play any sports or instruments? Will one be shy and one be outgoing? Will they have similar traits or be completely different? Will they be best friends or not want anything to do with one another? Will they turn out to be wild and crazy kids? What traits will they get from my husband and what traits will they get from me? What will they want to be when they grow up? Will one look more like me and one look like my husband?
The more I think about it, it really involves the “nature vs. nurture theory.” When I was going to school and learning about child development, I was 100 percent in agreement with the nurture theory. While, I still believe nurture is the winner in this debate, I think nature still plays a key role. I was reading an article about nature vs. nurture and it was saying if the nurture theory was true, fraternal twins would grow up to be exactly alike, since they are growing up in the same environment.
Although the boys have been growing up in the same environment, they do have their own personalities; it is not something we taught them, just who they are. The most difficult question for me to answer that people ask is, “Do they have different personalities?” It’s weird because in my mind, they switch back and forth. I’ll say this guy is one way, but a month later it’s the other guy. It is probably due to the age they are at, that their brains are developing so fast, and things are changing so rapidly. And when I look at them, I can see two different individuals, yet they are so alike.
I think my husband and I turned out pretty well. We never got into trouble, went to school, never did any drugs, obeyed our parents, and have made pretty good decisions in life. If our kids turned out to grow up to be like us, I would be pretty happy with that. So, will they turn out to be like us? At what exact pinpoint event in life will they become so influenced by the outside world where it could all go “down hill” for them, no matter how we raised them? How much of it depends on how we try to raise them and how much of the outside world influences them? And really, how much was already in their genes that we really have no say over? I try to be the best parent that I can, but is there just one small mistake that I could make that would change their lives forever and without me even realizing it.
It’s always wondering, “Are we doing the best thing for our kids even though ‘another mom’ disagrees and does it another way, what do we need to do to make sure they turn out okay, and what in life will influence them most to determine who they will be as grown ups?” With so many media and the influence from others, exactly how much do we as parents play a role in all of this? Parents, obviously, play a huge role, but just how much? You hear about what seems to be the “perfect” parents, yet they have the most out of control, misbehaved, always getting into trouble kids…so was that really the parents fault? Or could the parents have avoided all of this? Or did they really even have a “say” in it all?
I guess we just always do what is best for “our” kids and “our” family and we cross our fingers and hope for the best. I hope that every decision I make, and we make as a family, will be the one that always keep them on the “right track” … whatever that means. Ha. Ha.
Thoughts on this from one parent to another?