By Anya
I recently read a debate in the online magazine Slate.com regarding an unpleasant confrontation among two moms. The fuse that lit this fire – Facebook + kids pictures.
Seems Mom #1 took pictures of her own children along with other children at a kid’s birthday party. Mom #1 proudly posted said pictures to her Facebook profile. Enter Mom #2. Mom #2 saw the pictures posted on her friend’s Facebook and was not happy. Why? Well, a number of the pictures included were those of Mom #2’s kids.
Mom #2 contacted Mom #1 and asked her to remove the pictures that included her precious progeny pronto. Mom #1 was a bit offended. Hadn’t Mom #2 allowed her children to be photographed in the first place?! Didn’t she understand the likilhood that the photos would be shared in a social media setting? After all, it’s not 1991 anymore. Nobody really expected that Mom #1 was going to take her pictures to Walgreen’s, have them printed (double prints, please!), and stick them in a photo album only to pulled out again when ancient Aunt Edna visits.
I never determined whether Mom #1 removed the photos (I’m assuming she did). I could kind of see both moms perspectives though. Mom #1 thought she was doing something perfectly innocuous — sharing pictures of her delightful little munchkins with her social network. She resented Mom #2’s helicopter parenting and interference in what she could post on her own Facebook page. Mom #2 on the other hand may well have just read another disturbing article about a social site such as Reddit posting pilfered pictures from open Facebook pages.
Even if Mom #1’s Facebook profile is set nice and tight, who is to say someone in her network (maybe Grandma just getting used to this Facebook thing) might not grab the picture and post it on her open page? And from there anyone with an internet connection has free access to it. If the photo is “tagged”, they might also have the name of the child or parent. For some parents, the minuscule risk that a photo might be viewed by an unintended observer isn’t worth the larger risk of alienating a friend or being seen as a paranoid parent, but others will look at the world we are living in today and say you just can’t be too cautious.
What do you think?
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Any of you that follow me on Twitter or Facebook know that I freely share pictures of my kids and dogs. I’m very careful to make sure that there are no other children in the photos. I’m not sure how I would feel about someone else sharing pictures of my kids without my permission.
I freely share mine on facebook too, I have a tonne of family who only get to experience my kids through facebook due to geographics.
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I think social media is so mainstream now, it’s like yesterday’s newspaper. It’s not unheard of around here to hear parents asking others if it’s ok to post the pics on facebook.
It’s a good question. I understand both sides of mom #1 and mom #2.
I have posted pics on my FB that included other children. Some were of my daughter’s BD party and then I posted some ToT pics of her and a couple of her friends. Each time I wondered if their parents would mind, but I think not. Plus, I keep my FB tight. I only have close friends and family members on my FB. I’m not sure if I’d appreciate someone else posting pics of my daughter to 100s of people on their friends list. But, I guess it would be okay. It’s not like they would put up tons of pics of my child. I would rather they not use her name. That would bother me more. I don’t think most people are that interested random pics of an anon child.
I understand both mother’s perspectives. As for me, when I want to share a photo of a child of a friend or a family member on Facebook, I always check with the parent(s) to make sure they are ok with it even if the parent(s) posted it on Facebook. At most, they only made the choice to share with their “friends”, not people who may be strangers to them. To me, it is a matter of simple courtesy and I respect the decision of the parents.
If you would have asked me that several years ago I might not have thought it was such a big deal. However, I would never do so now. I no longer have young children but I would make sure if I did and I was taking pictures at a party or an event, that I would take pictures of my kids alone or with consenting adults if I felt the need to put them up on Facebook. If there was a picture I really wanted to put up and it had another child in it I would contact the parent and ask permission.
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While we are on this subject, I don’t think one should put pictures of anyone up of their Facebook without asking permission. Regardless of their age. Some people are very private.
I don’t have any problem with parents sharing pictures of their own children on Facebook. I might do the same. But that would be my decision. It is posting pics of other children or adults without permission that bothers me.
Guess who doesn’t get invited to the next birthday party? Mom #2 and her precious, non photographable kids.
Fenterman, I am sure that is probably true.
Nevertheless, just because one legally CAN do something doesn’t mean that they SHOULD do something. Whether or not I have to do so, I ask a parent before posting a photo of a minor. We’re talking about posting on Facebook here, everyone. Call me old-fashioned, but, contrary to Mom #1’s opinion, there are still people who do not believe there is a divine right to share other peoples lives with your “friends” whether the other people like it or not and who do not expect that, because they didn’t object to someone taking photos of their child’s birthday party, that they and all parents there had tacitly consented to the hostess posting them on a social network. In any event, contrary to Mom #1’s belief, one doesn’t have to choose between Facebook and printed photos. There are many services where one can send photos digitally and privately without dealing with Facebook’s security issues. Also, there is nothing said about Mom #1’s privacy settings or how vigilant she is in keeping up with Facebook’s constant unannounced changes in the settings.
To me, it seems like there is an increasing deficit in simple courtesy. Why not ask? My experience has been that most parents readily say yes and thank one for asking. The reaction when the parent is given a say tends to be a lot better than if it is sprung on a person as a done deal. As for retaliating against a child because of his or her mother’s views on posting photos on Facebook by excluding him from future birthday party invites, I would say that any parent who would retaliate against an innocent child in that way for his or her parent’s position should review the Biblical injunction to remove the beam from one own’s eye before removing the mote from one’s neighbor’s eye.
It’s coincidental that this came up because just a couple of days ago a friend asked my opinion about a very similar situation. She had gone on a Boy Scout camping trip with her kids and taken a number of photos. Rather than having to send photos to 70 sets of parents, she posted them on Facebook and then opened her FB page for public view, and let the other parents know this in a mass email. One of the parents (whose kid wasn’t even in the photos) contacted her to point out that some people might not want their childrens’ photos to be “public.” My friend was a bit offended.
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I respect the right of parents to protect their children’s privacy in theory, but in practice most of the concerns strike me as silly. I guess there are the rare cases where a parent and child might be on the run from an abusive spouse/parent, or something, but I would have to imagine that such cases are really, really rare. Other than that, it’s just pedophile panic, which I don’t have much respect for.
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That said, I do agree that when in doubt, one should ask.
Honestly Jennie, pedophile panic never crossed my mind. I was thinking about other things that have been done lately.
I put pictures of my kids on Facebook for friends and out of town family- but my settings are friends only. I never post pictures of other children on Facebook, not even kids in our own family, without permission first.
I guess I can see how mom #1 didn’t think it was a big deal but she should have known better. Internet etiquette should be a class!
I too get the impression that it was more of an issue of the other mom wanting to be asked than it is about the picture. Provided that there was not identifying information or that the picture wasn’t inappropriate for public viewing, I don’t really see it as a violation of privacy, but others have the right to feel differently. An example of something beyond printing a photo on facebook that I felt was totally inappropriate was the tabloid photos of Kate spanking one of her kids, not because I have any issue with spanking, I believe that sometimes kids need a well placed swat and that it is no more abuse than drinking a glass of wine on the week end is alcoholism. My issue is that while intended as a criticism toward Kate, the photos are potentially embarrassing to the child in question. Neither Kate or Jon spanked their children on their show which in my opinion shows that they didn’t intend it to be a public event. Those are the kinds of pictures I would not want sommeone to post.