A few weeks ago I attended a women’s weekend retreat. I have been attending this retreat for sixteen years and it is the one thing that my mother, sister, and I are committed to doing “no matter what”.
About a month before the event I feel myself getting excited about going and start counting the days. What is this feeling, what am I waiting for? When I really think about it, I am happy to see old friends, meet new women, enjoy the delicious food and participate in the workshops. However, that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that I am “yearning” for the connection of community. I need the conversations, the support, the spirituality, and the love.
I recently read that women who have close friendships are not only are happier, but live longer. Friendships give us support and someone to trust. They help to care for us both physically and emotionally when we are not able to. They reduce stress and encourage us when we need it the most.
Women need connection and enjoy sharing in a different way than men do. How else do you explain standing in the checkout line next to a woman at Target and by the time it’s your turn to checkout, you know everything about her… from what schools her kids go to to the new recipe she is trying tonight! The extent of my husband’s interaction with strangers is a nod and maybe “you picked the right team” if they are wearing a Yankees or NY Giants cap! He has no interest in talking to anyone unless he has to. I often say to him “I just couldn’t live without my best friends, why don’t you see your friends more?” His answer is usually, “you’re my best friend!”
My community of friends means I always have a “go to” person depending on my situation. One of my friends always looks “put together” and lovely. She will know exactly what to wear to any occasion and has saved me many times. Another friend is the moral support for any business idea I have no matter how crazy it sounds. I would be lost without my friend that has known me since college and our special bond and deep connection formed when we were young and free from many of the obligations that we now have. Some of my friends are from a spiritual service and just make me feel showered with love and joy. For me, having a variety of women friends has helped me grow and reinvent myself.
Suggestions for Making New Friendships
Take a class doing something you enjoy or having been wanting to try.
Yoga, kick-boxing, gourmet cooking, painting, dancing, Torah study, or learning French. Whatever your passion, you will meet women who enjoy the same thing and you could make some wonderful friends.
Volunteer to help a cause that is important to you.
Animal Rescue, food banks, political campaigns, health issues, PTA, or your child’s booster club. Some of my closest friends today were started in the Little League snack bar when my son (who is 30) was 6 years old or on the bleachers at high school football practice every week.
Join Social Media groups.
I have made some amazing friendships online with women who share my same business interests or who are on the road to self improvement. Two of my favorite groups are Money A Love Story led by Kate Northrup and French Kiss Life led by Tonya Leigh. I find so much support and encouragement communicating with women walking the same path. If you follow “thought leaders” on Facebook or Twitter, they often have a group site where you can communicate online.
Reconnect with those special people from your past.
High School friends, college roommates, friends you knew when you were first married or started your first job. They have known you for years and even though we all change, we still have much in common.
One last comment about friendship, do not put if off for a “better time,” or when “this project is over,” or when you “get your roots done” and look more presentable. If I have learned one lesson over the last few years, it is that you need to schedule your visits with your friends into your calendar like you would any other appointment. Treat them with care and appreciation. Bring them a gift, send them cards, take them to dinner or a lovely brunch. They are truly a gift.
If you know me you know I love Alpacas. We have one named Goldie that we board. The interesting think about Alpacas is that they are herd animals and are always in a pack. Goldie is always with other Alpacas. If an Alpaca is alone they will die of loneliness. Women are like this, we need our “herd” our “tribe” our “community.
Check out more of Holly’s posts where she shares her journey on her Road to Reinvention.
Holly Zucker is a wife, mother of a grown son, business owner and on the “Road to Reinvention”. After feeling like she had “lost herself” she has spent the last few years bringing back joy, pleasure, passion, fun, and community into her life. Her mission is to help other women “reinvent themselves” and start living their dreams and desires. We’ve done so much for everyone else, it’s our turn now!
Annemarie LeBlanc says
May 15, 2016 at 11:59 pmOver time, I have made quite a number of friends – from days when I was a student up to this day. I am happy that with the help of social media, I was able to stay in contact with classmates from grade school… and that was decades ago since I last saw them! Amazing that some of us share the same passion and interests!
Gloria @ Homemade & Yummy says
May 16, 2016 at 6:12 amIt’s funny my one daughter has so many friends, and is always getting together with them. I on the other hand have a few close friends, and we can only get together once in a while. I do have friends on social media….but I am happy doing my thing and getting together when I can.
Kate says
March 5, 2017 at 1:46 pmVery true, sometimes we get caught up with this life and forget the things that really matters in life.
Paula Schuck says
May 16, 2016 at 7:12 amI absolutely adore my girlfriends! I can’t imagine my life without my best girls.
Jeanine says
May 16, 2016 at 7:15 amI don’t have friends outside the internet, thats so awful to say out loud or written but it’s not that bad in real life. I stay connected to all my real life friends on the computer, and via text but in the city i just moved to 5 years ago – i have people i speak to or say hello to but nothing like a real friendship and I’m actually ok with that.
Sarah Bailey says
May 16, 2016 at 8:16 amThese are some great ideas, I am housebound quite often and so social media is often my outlet to the outside world. x
Amanda Ripsam says
May 16, 2016 at 8:36 amI love attending women’s retreats I must say I don’t get to go to women’s retreats very often last one I went to was a speakers conference where I learned how to do public speaking I went on a scholarship and loved every minute of it. I also am going to see Joyce Meyers with a friend of mine this weekend in grand rapids so looking forward to it. I love self empowerment retreats
Rachel says
May 16, 2016 at 11:06 amHolly, thanks so much for the blog post. True dat… we need relationship to thrive. We were created to be in relationship. It’s in our DNA! I cherish & value our girl time. Really good your transparency & being “REAL” inside out and outside in! Good job Joogle!
Rebecca Bryant says
May 16, 2016 at 1:08 pmThese are great ideas. I would love to get out more but as someone who doesn’t drive getting out can be a battle. It is doable if hubby or mom are off work but it’s hard.
Amber Nelson says
May 16, 2016 at 3:58 pmThose things are so cute! I love the fact that social media exists. I was able to keep in contact with some high school friends.
CourtneyLynne says
May 16, 2016 at 7:30 pmUghhh I wish I had more girlfriends locally!!! All of my friends are back in FL and the only people I chill with here in NY are other bloggers where we end up talking work the whole time lol…. I definitely need to get out more and meet some new people lol…
Kerri says
May 16, 2016 at 11:11 pmI think you are so right. Friendship is so important. I just met up with a friend from college and it was like the medicine I needed.
Jennifer says
May 17, 2016 at 1:49 amI love that you have this tradition with your family! That’s so awesome. And this is some fantastic advice to help find friends. It can feel really lonely out here.
Rosey says
May 17, 2016 at 2:13 amI definitely think friends can make you live longer. It’s nice to have those people you can go to when you want to relax, talk or have a friend/family get-together. That’s awesome that you always make time for the retreat.
Jennifer B says
May 17, 2016 at 2:39 amIt is so true that having good friends is important! I don’t know what I would do without the many friends I have made since we moved to Florida almost nine years ago!
Ann Bacciaglia says
May 17, 2016 at 8:00 amI would love to take a few classes. I cherish my close friendships i have with a few women. We have been friends since College.
Seattle Travel Blogger says
May 17, 2016 at 11:46 amI really like your ideas.
I plan to share this with my husband.
Liz Mays says
May 17, 2016 at 2:44 pmIt’s so true that wonderful female friendships are so valuable. I’m glad you have a couple of special ones!
Veronica says
May 17, 2016 at 5:02 pmIt is good when someone has your back for sure. You should never do life alone, especially when you are starting over
Janell Poulette says
May 17, 2016 at 6:27 pmThis is really great advice. You shouldn’t have to do it alone and relationships are so important.
Toughcookiemommy.com says
May 17, 2016 at 7:57 pmI think that women’s retreats are wonderful for being surrounded by your tribe and feeling supported. It’s so important to have that base group who always has your back.
Robin Masshole Mommy says
May 18, 2016 at 4:28 amI have made some great friends by taking classes. It’s hard to make friends as an adult and doing things like classes (in my case zumba), I have made lots of new ones 🙂
Lisa Rios says
May 18, 2016 at 5:26 amI agree that Women too need connection to share & these are some great tips to make some new friendships that could come handy. I would putting myself in to any Volunteer works, so I can meet like minded people & get connected with them anytime.
Toughcookiemommy.com says
May 20, 2016 at 9:50 pmI completely agree that women need to have more opportunities to collaborate and to bond with one another. It is so important that we be able to support each other in this way.
Jenn says
May 18, 2016 at 6:22 amI have a handful of ladies that I dont know what I would do without! They are my rock and are so important to me.
valmg @ Mom Knows It All says
May 18, 2016 at 6:47 amI’ve heard a good number of people say you can have real friends online. Most of the friends I do have are online, some of whom are far more supportive than people closeby and even some family.
Saidah Washington says
May 18, 2016 at 7:49 amPeople should definitely find someone to be a support and accountability partner. It’s easy to get down in the dumps in when you have someone there to encourage you it’s always great.
Carrie says
May 18, 2016 at 11:35 amThis is great! I definitely agree have good supporting friends in so important.
Lady Lilith says
May 18, 2016 at 2:22 pmTaking a class is always so much fun. During the summer there are also a few outdoor free classes. A great way to save and have fun.
Kristina says
May 18, 2016 at 5:38 pmI would love to have a fun weekend with my close girlfriends. Spend some time together and bond. I don’t have any sisters so I tell them God gave them to me as my sisters.
Marielle Altenor says
May 18, 2016 at 6:36 pmI’ve always been a bit of a loner. About 2 years ago I met a woman and we hit it off right away. She ended up introducing me to her circle of ladies. I love that we can talk to each other and that when we hang out it feels like we’ve known each other for years! It’s a good feeling. I think it would be a fun idea to get them all together and try a wine and paint night!
Susanna @Zealous Mom says
May 18, 2016 at 6:37 pmI couldn’t agree more. I do not know what I would do without my girlfriends. They have been everything to me over the past few months when I’ve had a lot of emotional turmoil. Yay for friends!
Marti Tabora says
May 20, 2016 at 4:11 pmThis is really a good reminder, I find myself alone a lot more often than I should be. Thanks for the suggestions as well.
cheri says
May 20, 2016 at 8:50 pmI have reconnected with some long lost friends from the past. Its nice to catch up!
Debbie Welchert says
May 21, 2016 at 9:53 amI would love to reconnect with one of my very best friends that I met at college. She was the one person that I could tell anything to. I miss her….
michele soyer says
May 21, 2016 at 10:07 amI have always been alone or with one good friend. I don’t think I could do a sharing weekend retreat of any kind but I will pass this on to another very outgoing friend of mine who might enjoy this. Thank you…
Susan Heim says
May 21, 2016 at 1:55 pmBeing an introvert, I often have difficulty making new friends — or don’t think I need them. This article gave me a lot to think about!
Trina Flynn says
May 22, 2016 at 11:49 amRetreats are a wonderful way to meet amazing people! I have social anxiety and slowly getting involved in groups has helped me a great deal.
Vickie Kulp says
May 23, 2016 at 5:16 amThe Internet including Facebook has helped me reconnect with old and new friends whom I’ve met!
Marion says
May 23, 2016 at 2:10 pmThanks for this great post.
Marion
Marcie W. says
May 24, 2016 at 8:55 amI have recently become very involved in a cause that is extremely important to me and it feels wonderful. No real change was ever accomplished by sitting on the couch!
Sara Zielinski says
May 24, 2016 at 10:22 amThis sounds like a great retreat.. sounds awesome.
lisa says
May 24, 2016 at 3:16 pmI’m so shy, an introvert I guess. I’m uncomfortable around people that I don’t know. I’d never be able to do something like this.
ARLENE says
May 24, 2016 at 5:11 pmam sorry but those ,look scary,don’t take me their
Theresa Little says
May 25, 2016 at 4:12 amGood idea. I should find a friend to take an exercise class with.
lisa says
May 25, 2016 at 2:57 pmI used to spend a few days a week helping out at the library. I like a quiet atmosphere.
April monty says
May 26, 2016 at 6:21 amFriends..help..and support are awesome for all of us and our emotional health.
lisa says
May 27, 2016 at 7:53 amI think women in general talk too much, and they can be catty. I grew up with brothers, and feel more comfortable with the guys.
Leslie L. says
May 27, 2016 at 4:29 pmEmotional health is so important…If it’s not stable then other aspects of our life will be very difficult to cope with.
barbg says
May 27, 2016 at 5:04 pmThis is really a helpful post. I could do a lot better than I do by reaching out to people from my past. I’ve built a wall up for some of them over the years and it is probably time to take it down.
April monty says
May 28, 2016 at 5:08 amI have a hard time making friends this is great info !
Melissa Crisp says
May 29, 2016 at 12:06 amIt has always been my parents and me, no family around. Then came my husband and son. I also have a few close friends and that’s it. I’m content with it. Plus I have a ton of acquaintances.
belinda bell says
May 29, 2016 at 4:06 pmit is fun getting together with the people you have made friends with.
Cynthia W says
May 29, 2016 at 6:22 pmI agree wholeheartedly!
April monty says
May 30, 2016 at 7:21 amIt can be difficult to be social and make friends but once you’ve made that first step,it gets easier
Cynthia W says
May 30, 2016 at 2:10 pmSo true about friendships!
lisa says
May 31, 2016 at 3:00 pmNot something I’d be comfortable with. I’m a shy person.
April monty says
June 1, 2016 at 4:58 amIt’s great to have someone to talk with and spend time doing girly things,a respite from the everyday is a great asset.
sheila ressel says
June 1, 2016 at 7:52 amI agree with the sentiments. I’m lucky that my sister is also my best friend.
lisa says
June 1, 2016 at 10:28 amI am pretty isolated where I live.Everyone is much younger and they’re raising kids, I wish someone around my age would move to the block.
Kathy Baccus says
June 12, 2016 at 8:14 amI am not isolated except when I feel badly. I have friends all ages and love ’em all.. 🙂
Cynthia W says
June 1, 2016 at 7:58 pmJust one day at a time!
lisa says
June 3, 2016 at 2:49 pmI have a hard time making friends. I guess I have the resting *itch face.
lisa says
June 4, 2016 at 2:31 pmIf you enjoy it, go for it. Everybody is different.
Grace H says
June 6, 2016 at 2:32 pmIt is really hard to make friends as an adult. I admit I don’t have many friends, but I do have one good friend and its crucial.
Nancy Burgess says
June 6, 2016 at 6:35 pmI love all my friends I really enjoy time spent with them.
michelle elizondo says
June 7, 2016 at 6:21 amI hate being alone.
Cheryl Everitt says
June 7, 2016 at 10:17 amThese are really helpful suggestions. My husband is my best friend, but having a woman friend is so different. Thanks for sharing.
lisa says
June 7, 2016 at 3:12 pmIf that’s what it takes, go for it. I’ve never been.
Gabrielly says
June 8, 2016 at 10:55 amI absolutely adore my girlfriends! I can’t imagine my life without them.
Sandra Watts says
June 10, 2016 at 2:57 pmI have started reuniting…or trying to, with friends from the past. The ones that are still around. 🙁
michele soyer says
June 14, 2016 at 10:43 amI have one really close good friend and I share everything with her alone.. To be with a group is not something I could do.. I respect it and see the greatness in it but cannot do it myself..
Kimberly R says
June 14, 2016 at 11:32 amThat’s Great, I however I find travelling alone enjoyable too.
Sarah L says
June 19, 2016 at 2:52 pmI sing with a women’s chorus and they are all like my family.
Rajeeva says
June 24, 2016 at 12:01 amhelpful hints about making new friends. thanks.
michelle elizondo says
June 24, 2016 at 3:09 pmI agree.
Judy Thomas says
June 26, 2016 at 2:27 amI love social media groups.Thank you for the tips and insights. Friends are amazing when you have known each other for so long.
Adriane says
June 29, 2016 at 5:44 pmI’ve been a full time solo caregiver for some years now. What I miss most is my friends… my herd…