A few weeks ago I attended a women’s weekend retreat. I have been attending this retreat for sixteen years and it is the one thing that my mother, sister, and I are committed to doing “no matter what”.
About a month before the event I feel myself getting excited about going and start counting the days. What is this feeling, what am I waiting for? When I really think about it, I am happy to see old friends, meet new women, enjoy the delicious food and participate in the workshops. However, that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that I am “yearning” for the connection of community. I need the conversations, the support, the spirituality, and the love.
I recently read that women who have close friendships are not only are happier, but live longer. Friendships give us support and someone to trust. They help to care for us both physically and emotionally when we are not able to. They reduce stress and encourage us when we need it the most.
Women need connection and enjoy sharing in a different way than men do. How else do you explain standing in the checkout line next to a woman at Target and by the time it’s your turn to checkout, you know everything about her… from what schools her kids go to to the new recipe she is trying tonight! The extent of my husband’s interaction with strangers is a nod and maybe “you picked the right team” if they are wearing a Yankees or NY Giants cap! He has no interest in talking to anyone unless he has to. I often say to him “I just couldn’t live without my best friends, why don’t you see your friends more?” His answer is usually, “you’re my best friend!”
My community of friends means I always have a “go to” person depending on my situation. One of my friends always looks “put together” and lovely. She will know exactly what to wear to any occasion and has saved me many times. Another friend is the moral support for any business idea I have no matter how crazy it sounds. I would be lost without my friend that has known me since college and our special bond and deep connection formed when we were young and free from many of the obligations that we now have. Some of my friends are from a spiritual service and just make me feel showered with love and joy. For me, having a variety of women friends has helped me grow and reinvent myself.
Suggestions for Making New Friendships
Take a class doing something you enjoy or having been wanting to try.
Yoga, kick-boxing, gourmet cooking, painting, dancing, Torah study, or learning French. Whatever your passion, you will meet women who enjoy the same thing and you could make some wonderful friends.
Volunteer to help a cause that is important to you.
Animal Rescue, food banks, political campaigns, health issues, PTA, or your child’s booster club. Some of my closest friends today were started in the Little League snack bar when my son (who is 30) was 6 years old or on the bleachers at high school football practice every week.
Join Social Media groups.
I have made some amazing friendships online with women who share my same business interests or who are on the road to self improvement. Two of my favorite groups are Money A Love Story led by Kate Northrup and French Kiss Life led by Tonya Leigh. I find so much support and encouragement communicating with women walking the same path. If you follow “thought leaders” on Facebook or Twitter, they often have a group site where you can communicate online.
Reconnect with those special people from your past.
High School friends, college roommates, friends you knew when you were first married or started your first job. They have known you for years and even though we all change, we still have much in common.
One last comment about friendship, do not put if off for a “better time,” or when “this project is over,” or when you “get your roots done” and look more presentable. If I have learned one lesson over the last few years, it is that you need to schedule your visits with your friends into your calendar like you would any other appointment. Treat them with care and appreciation. Bring them a gift, send them cards, take them to dinner or a lovely brunch. They are truly a gift.
If you know me you know I love Alpacas. We have one named Goldie that we board. The interesting think about Alpacas is that they are herd animals and are always in a pack. Goldie is always with other Alpacas. If an Alpaca is alone they will die of loneliness. Women are like this, we need our “herd” our “tribe” our “community.
Check out more of Holly’s posts where she shares her journey on her Road to Reinvention.
Holly Zucker is a wife, mother of a grown son, business owner and on the “Road to Reinvention”. After feeling like she had “lost herself” she has spent the last few years bringing back joy, pleasure, passion, fun, and community into her life. Her mission is to help other women “reinvent themselves” and start living their dreams and desires. We’ve done so much for everyone else, it’s our turn now!
Over time, I have made quite a number of friends – from days when I was a student up to this day. I am happy that with the help of social media, I was able to stay in contact with classmates from grade school… and that was decades ago since I last saw them! Amazing that some of us share the same passion and interests!
It’s funny my one daughter has so many friends, and is always getting together with them. I on the other hand have a few close friends, and we can only get together once in a while. I do have friends on social media….but I am happy doing my thing and getting together when I can.
Very true, sometimes we get caught up with this life and forget the things that really matters in life.
I absolutely adore my girlfriends! I can’t imagine my life without my best girls.
I don’t have friends outside the internet, thats so awful to say out loud or written but it’s not that bad in real life. I stay connected to all my real life friends on the computer, and via text but in the city i just moved to 5 years ago – i have people i speak to or say hello to but nothing like a real friendship and I’m actually ok with that.
These are some great ideas, I am housebound quite often and so social media is often my outlet to the outside world. x
I love attending women’s retreats I must say I don’t get to go to women’s retreats very often last one I went to was a speakers conference where I learned how to do public speaking I went on a scholarship and loved every minute of it. I also am going to see Joyce Meyers with a friend of mine this weekend in grand rapids so looking forward to it. I love self empowerment retreats
Holly, thanks so much for the blog post. True dat… we need relationship to thrive. We were created to be in relationship. It’s in our DNA! I cherish & value our girl time. Really good your transparency & being “REAL” inside out and outside in! Good job Joogle!
These are great ideas. I would love to get out more but as someone who doesn’t drive getting out can be a battle. It is doable if hubby or mom are off work but it’s hard.
Those things are so cute! I love the fact that social media exists. I was able to keep in contact with some high school friends.
Ughhh I wish I had more girlfriends locally!!! All of my friends are back in FL and the only people I chill with here in NY are other bloggers where we end up talking work the whole time lol…. I definitely need to get out more and meet some new people lol…
I think you are so right. Friendship is so important. I just met up with a friend from college and it was like the medicine I needed.
I love that you have this tradition with your family! That’s so awesome. And this is some fantastic advice to help find friends. It can feel really lonely out here.
I definitely think friends can make you live longer. It’s nice to have those people you can go to when you want to relax, talk or have a friend/family get-together. That’s awesome that you always make time for the retreat.
It is so true that having good friends is important! I don’t know what I would do without the many friends I have made since we moved to Florida almost nine years ago!
I would love to take a few classes. I cherish my close friendships i have with a few women. We have been friends since College.
I really like your ideas.
I plan to share this with my husband.
It’s so true that wonderful female friendships are so valuable. I’m glad you have a couple of special ones!
It is good when someone has your back for sure. You should never do life alone, especially when you are starting over
This is really great advice. You shouldn’t have to do it alone and relationships are so important.
I think that women’s retreats are wonderful for being surrounded by your tribe and feeling supported. It’s so important to have that base group who always has your back.
I have made some great friends by taking classes. It’s hard to make friends as an adult and doing things like classes (in my case zumba), I have made lots of new ones 🙂
I agree that Women too need connection to share & these are some great tips to make some new friendships that could come handy. I would putting myself in to any Volunteer works, so I can meet like minded people & get connected with them anytime.
I completely agree that women need to have more opportunities to collaborate and to bond with one another. It is so important that we be able to support each other in this way.
I have a handful of ladies that I dont know what I would do without! They are my rock and are so important to me.
I’ve heard a good number of people say you can have real friends online. Most of the friends I do have are online, some of whom are far more supportive than people closeby and even some family.
People should definitely find someone to be a support and accountability partner. It’s easy to get down in the dumps in when you have someone there to encourage you it’s always great.
This is great! I definitely agree have good supporting friends in so important.
Taking a class is always so much fun. During the summer there are also a few outdoor free classes. A great way to save and have fun.
I would love to have a fun weekend with my close girlfriends. Spend some time together and bond. I don’t have any sisters so I tell them God gave them to me as my sisters.
I’ve always been a bit of a loner. About 2 years ago I met a woman and we hit it off right away. She ended up introducing me to her circle of ladies. I love that we can talk to each other and that when we hang out it feels like we’ve known each other for years! It’s a good feeling. I think it would be a fun idea to get them all together and try a wine and paint night!
I couldn’t agree more. I do not know what I would do without my girlfriends. They have been everything to me over the past few months when I’ve had a lot of emotional turmoil. Yay for friends!
This is really a good reminder, I find myself alone a lot more often than I should be. Thanks for the suggestions as well.
I have reconnected with some long lost friends from the past. Its nice to catch up!
I would love to reconnect with one of my very best friends that I met at college. She was the one person that I could tell anything to. I miss her….
I have always been alone or with one good friend. I don’t think I could do a sharing weekend retreat of any kind but I will pass this on to another very outgoing friend of mine who might enjoy this. Thank you…
Being an introvert, I often have difficulty making new friends — or don’t think I need them. This article gave me a lot to think about!
Retreats are a wonderful way to meet amazing people! I have social anxiety and slowly getting involved in groups has helped me a great deal.
The Internet including Facebook has helped me reconnect with old and new friends whom I’ve met!
Thanks for this great post.
Marion
I have recently become very involved in a cause that is extremely important to me and it feels wonderful. No real change was ever accomplished by sitting on the couch!
This sounds like a great retreat.. sounds awesome.
I’m so shy, an introvert I guess. I’m uncomfortable around people that I don’t know. I’d never be able to do something like this.
am sorry but those ,look scary,don’t take me their
Good idea. I should find a friend to take an exercise class with.
I used to spend a few days a week helping out at the library. I like a quiet atmosphere.
Friends..help..and support are awesome for all of us and our emotional health.
I think women in general talk too much, and they can be catty. I grew up with brothers, and feel more comfortable with the guys.
Emotional health is so important…If it’s not stable then other aspects of our life will be very difficult to cope with.
This is really a helpful post. I could do a lot better than I do by reaching out to people from my past. I’ve built a wall up for some of them over the years and it is probably time to take it down.
I have a hard time making friends this is great info !
It has always been my parents and me, no family around. Then came my husband and son. I also have a few close friends and that’s it. I’m content with it. Plus I have a ton of acquaintances.
it is fun getting together with the people you have made friends with.
I agree wholeheartedly!
It can be difficult to be social and make friends but once you’ve made that first step,it gets easier
So true about friendships!
Not something I’d be comfortable with. I’m a shy person.
It’s great to have someone to talk with and spend time doing girly things,a respite from the everyday is a great asset.
I agree with the sentiments. I’m lucky that my sister is also my best friend.
I am pretty isolated where I live.Everyone is much younger and they’re raising kids, I wish someone around my age would move to the block.
I am not isolated except when I feel badly. I have friends all ages and love ’em all.. 🙂
Just one day at a time!
I have a hard time making friends. I guess I have the resting *itch face.
If you enjoy it, go for it. Everybody is different.
It is really hard to make friends as an adult. I admit I don’t have many friends, but I do have one good friend and its crucial.
I love all my friends I really enjoy time spent with them.
I hate being alone.
These are really helpful suggestions. My husband is my best friend, but having a woman friend is so different. Thanks for sharing.
If that’s what it takes, go for it. I’ve never been.
I absolutely adore my girlfriends! I can’t imagine my life without them.
I have started reuniting…or trying to, with friends from the past. The ones that are still around. 🙁
I have one really close good friend and I share everything with her alone.. To be with a group is not something I could do.. I respect it and see the greatness in it but cannot do it myself..
That’s Great, I however I find travelling alone enjoyable too.
I sing with a women’s chorus and they are all like my family.
helpful hints about making new friends. thanks.
I agree.
I love social media groups.Thank you for the tips and insights. Friends are amazing when you have known each other for so long.
I’ve been a full time solo caregiver for some years now. What I miss most is my friends… my herd…