By Pam
My husband and I have always been fascinated by the show Hoarders and it has been somewhat of a “guilty” pleasure for us. One of the big drawing points of the show was watching how Matt Paxton deals with the insurmountable hoards and the people that create and feed them. Imperfect Women reached out to Matt and asked if he would share some of his life lessons with us and we were very pleased when he agreed! Hope you enjoy this interview as much as I did.
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IW: Hi and Good Morning Matt! I just wanted to start out by telling you that my husband and I watch Hoarders all the time and you are our favorite Extreme Cleaning Specialist so I was thrilled when you agreed to do this interview. I was just wondering how you got into this and what makes you an Extreme Cleaning Specialist?
MP: Well thank you! I appreciate that. Someone just asked me that question the other day. I made that title up. I just thought it sounded cool. How I got into it is really the important part. I was actually at probably the lowest point in my life. I had lost a job, my dad had died and my stepfather had died all in the same year, and I kind of went on a bender. I had a pretty bad gambling problem and an alcohol problem as well and I just went on a two year bender. I just disappeared. I went to Hawaii and went to Tahoe and I got into a lot of trouble. When I got out of it I got involved in a camp called the Comfort Zone Camp. It is a grief camp for kids. I was getting sober at the time and some volunteering took place and long story short, I did get sober, and I got re-addicted to helping these kids.
As I got sober, I started looking for work. I really liked working with older ladies and I thought I would get into “Senior Move Management” which is basically helping seniors downsize and helping them move. I really seemed to like working with the seniors with the messiest houses, and one day it just clicked. I realized that these women with the messiest houses were grieving and sad just like I was. So, I started talking to them about what they were sad about. I had learned that from working at the camp and getting them to talk about their feelings.
As far as the title, Extreme Cleaning Specialist, I had never done TV before and they wanted to know my title, and I did not have one. So I just made one up. Now, everyone uses it and it just cracks me up.
IW: Well I like it! And what makes you an Extreme Cleaning Specialist?
MP: What are my credentials….time. I have cleaned more stage four to five homes that anyone. I spent the last seven years cleaning 30 to 50 hours a week side by side with hoarders. I am the only one on the show that is not a doctor or a professional organizer. They have the very best experienced, professional organizers in the country on our team on Hoarders and I am the only one without a degree. Although I don’t have a degree, I have a lot of experience dealing with hoarders and I also have my own personal life experience. That is my angle. I have been down before and screwed up and I have been able to pull myself up. I think that is one reason for my popularity on the show. I am not trying to be anything special. I am just a regular dude that screwed up. People and hoarders relate to that.
IW: Do you participate in the actual selection of the hoarders at all?
MP: We don’t. There is a massive production company behind us called Screaming Flea Productions that do the selection. I was doing a podcast with some of the camera men this past weekend and we realized that they actually have spent more time in hoarder houses than most professional organizers. When I am off for a week, they are still filming another episode. We film 80 hours for a show and it gets cut down to 21 minutes.
IW: 80 hours for a show?
MP: That is probably why I am successful on the show. If you saw me for the whole 80 hours you might say, “Wow, I don’t know if I like this guy that much!” You cut me down to 21 minutes and I am great.
IW: I know sometimes you like to push it a little bit more than the other people do and I like that about you. I understand the emotional component behind hoarding, but sometimes it seems that some of others on the show are just a little too nice. Sometimes it seems that they just need a little more shoving.
MP: I think you can shove very politely. I only push the ones that can be pushed and I ease into. It is not something I start on the first day. If the therapist tells me to back off, I do. The therapist always trumps organizer. I work quite a bit with Dr. Shabo and sometimes I will have an idea but if she tells me no, then it is no. We definitely work together. You have to. There is not just one way to help a hoarder.
IW: We just recently moved my parents into an apartment from a house that they had lived in since the 1950s. Although they were not hoarders like the people we see on your show, it was a clean organized four story house full of things my parents had saved for over fifty years. They never got rid of anything. They just packed it away. So we kind of went through that a bit because my parents had a difficult time deciding what to keep and what to let go.
MP: Nothing was trash…
IW: No, everything was a treasure.
MP: Those are the hardest: where it is just the factor of time. You have 60 years in a home and they are all just really good memories. Like, those are the worst. I love a house full of dead animals and poop. That is easy; that is all trash. The worst thing is when you get a nice old lady that has lost her spouse and the kids are all grown and moved on. She is in a four story house like you are describing, and it is all good memories. That is so hard to get rid of those things and that is all they have left. They are good people. No hoarder is a bad person. They have all been touched by some type of tragedy and that is why they do it.
IW: My parents are still living and I think with them it is just a generational thing. Raised in the depression era where you are taught that you just don’t get rid of anything. They are very happy now that it is all over but it was a little rocky at the time. We should have called you. An outsider would have probably brought a different perspective to it all. Even I hated to see some of it go. A lot of memories for all of us.
MP: We do a lot of that. My private business is Clutter Cleaner. You have to be so hands on and so delicate when you work with the seniors.
IW: Is your personal business doing well?
MP: Oh yes, we are swamped. We book up quickly each month. Everything is an emergency. We will get a call where they will say, “I need you here tomorrow. My mom finally got into the nursing home that she has been waiting for.” They will have twenty or thirty years of stuff that they have been avoiding dealing with and now we have to address it.
IW: Are most hoarders clueless? Do they not realize they have a problem?
MP: I think they do. They are aware of it. They are just incredibly good at avoiding it. The more I spend with hoarders the more I realize that they are totally smart, regular people that have had a tragedy and they are just so good at denial. They are professional hoarders. The rest of us have our days broken up into working, eating and playing. Their entire 24 hours a day are devoted to being in denial.
IW: So you would say that there is not a hoarder out there that doesn’t have an emotional problem? It is not just being lazy?
MP: Some can be lazy. But I think that is about five percent. Ninety-five percent have a mental tragedy that is driving them.
IW: The show states that hoarding is a hidden epidemic. Is it really? Are there that many people out there that are hoarders?
MP: I don’t think it is hidden anymore, and it is definitely an epidemic. When we started they were saying 3 million, but now people are realizing that it is closer to 10 million. I think it is one to three percent of the population, but they are not all stage fives like we see on hoarders. There are a lot of stage two, three and four, that if they don’t get a hold of it now, will end up at stage five. We are training as many people as we can to teach them how to communicate with hoarders. The cleaning is easy; it is the communicating that is difficult.
IW: Are you involved in any of the aftercare?
MP: That is really not my strength. I am good at dealing with the crisis, getting it started and get the house clean. You have to really find the right personality for the client for aftercare. They will be with them another three or six months to teach them basic life skills that they have either never learned or lost touch with. My skill set is one to get in there and knock it out. I am not good with working slowly over time. With my background of addiction, I need to fit my needs and my high by coming into a huge nasty mess and knocking it out in a few days. That is how I keep my high going and that is how I get motivated.
IW: I am a bit that way too. I love to clean. My husband calls me the anti-hoarder. If we haven’t used something in a year, it is history. Let me ask you, if I walked into your house – say your garage or your home – what would I see in terms of organization?
MP: We are probably a one or a two. I am a regular 35 year old guy with a wife and two kids. Definitely not clean. It was before we had kids. Family is more important than cleaning. It is hard. I see how things can get away from you.
IW: I know. When I sit and watch the show I think about that. How easy it would be to let things get away from you if you lost a spouse or loved one.
MP: I totally get it. I had all my tragedies really early in life. I lost my dad, my stepdad and my grandfather in a two year period. It was awful and horrible at the time. But ironically I am able to use my past to help hoarders. My past was really my grad school. I was just messing up for so many years and every year I would ask myself, “Can I mess up anymore?” It was really sad. But luckily it turned around and now I do a weekly podcast and talk about it.
IW: I wanted to ask you about the podcasts. I did listen to some of them and they are pretty funny…a lot of music, cursing and poop! Can you tell us a little about them?
MP: They are not for everyone. They can be raunchy. The podcasts are the perfect place for my stories. They are the stories from working with Hoarders and the stories on my life. My website and podcasts are called 5 Decisions Away. The story with how I came up with 5 Decisions Away is that I was actually working on Hoarders and we found a bum living in the hoarder’s yard.
IW: I remember that episode. It was in New York?
MP: Yes, it was a fascinating episode. We were working on this hoard and we found this homeless man living in a shack on this hoarder’s property and the hoarder didn’t even know it. We were cleaning up the shack and there was this big pile of poop and bucket full of pee and I asked this homeless man how he had ended up there. He said he had been a broker in downtown New York and a girl broke his heart. I said to him, “You are telling me that you live in a shack in some guy’s yard because a girl broke your heart?” Well, then he went on to say that he had gotten hooked on crack, and I told him that crack might have had something to do with it. He started making excuses, and I looked at the camera and I said, “Man, we really are all just five decisions away from shitting in a bucket.”
That really hit me. Four or five things separate that guy from me. I’ve lost my job many times. I’ve lost girls many times. I mean I have lost all the same things he did. I just happen to have the life skills to get out of it.
IW: And probably a much more stable emotional health than some of these people.
MP: Yes, I have been given a good start. Any of the bad things that have happened to me are of my own doing. My point is, we all mess up and we all learn from it. I think that is really what “Five Decisions Away” is about. I just love the stories that I have, and the people I am meeting on the road are just fascinating, and the viewers and the listeners are really enjoying “Five Decisions Away” as a side thing about hoarders. It is not from A&E or by A&E. They let me do it on my own. I am really having fun with it. I am getting more emails from the podcasts than I am from the TV show, which shocks me.
IW: I think the podcasts are pretty fun and you do a great job. They can be a little raunchy at times and I know we are a woman’s site but I think we all have a sense of humor and can appreciate humor and fun.
MP: I am very pro equality. I was raised by a single mom and raised by two very strong grandmothers. I treat everyone exactly the same: equal across the board. That is the only way to be respectful. I was kind of surprised that no one got on me regarding some of the stuff on my podcasts but no one has said anything and again, I think for the most part we are pretty respectful.
IW: On one of the podcasts I remember hearing something about a large collection of dildos that you found. I was wondering, what is the most unusual collection that you have found in one of the hoards?
MP: (laughing) That was definitely one. That poor lady. The couple were swingers and she was dying of cancer and he was dying of Lou Gehrig ’s disease and we were cleaning the house just so the family could come and say goodbye. Their whole house was running off of batteries. They had no power. We get to the bedroom and there were probably a thousand dildos in there. She was so embarrassed and we said to her, “Look, we know what they are…it’s cool.” She starts breaking down and telling me how they met at a swinger’s club in the 70s and she just breaks down and tells me her whole personal story. I said to her, “Who cares how you met? You love each other. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” She had been holding this whole guilty feeling in for a long time.
IW: Was that on the show?
MP: No, that was a private job. The show is wonderful but it is highly edited. The things that I find fascinating never make the show. That is ok. You have to edit down but that is why I really like my podcasts because I don’t edit. I just let it roll. If you’re my fan you will listen and if not you won’t. But the really fascinating things never make it in Hoarders and that is why I have my podcasts.
Probably my most fascinating collection from the show was “Randyland”. He was the guy who had thousands pinball machines and all types of games from the 70s and 80s from arcades.
IW: I saw that show. Didn’t you get hurt on that show?
MP: I did. I broke my hand on that one. It hurt so bad. That show hit me the closest. My dad left when I was young but reconnected when I was in middle school. We became close by going to arcades and we played a lot of those games together before he died. Randy’s collection was the first collection that I found positive value in because it brought me back to my dad. That was actually Randy’s point with his collection or his hoard. Although he was an extreme hoarder, his collection had a point. He had lost everything in his life but his collection brought joy to other people. To me that was the first hoard that ever challenged me. Can you have good in hoarding, or is it all bad? I still don’t know the answer to that but that one was a fascinating hoard.
IW: Do you keep in touch with any of the hoarders from the show?
MP: I talk to Randy every week. I don’t talk to all of them. My style is totally different. I get really personal and become a part of their family for the week that I am with them. For some, they can’t wait to get rid of me. But I will stay in touch with others. I get to see these people evolve from very sad people to really awesome people and the audience doesn’t get to see that.
IW: There is a lot of criticism out there on the show capitalizing on the misery of the hoarder. How do you feel about that?
MP: That is a great question and it is a legitimate question. This is a show about a mental disorder. Is it appropriate? I don’t know, at the end of the day I think we are helping more people than we are hurting. For the people that are ready to change or need motivation to change, I think it is an amazing show. I get hundred of emails a week that say, “Ok, I know my grandma is not lazy now.” We are helping more than we are hurting but I think there are a couple once and awhile that it was probably not the best choice to go on the show.
IW: Do any of the hoarders ever have any regrets about going on national television?
MP: Usually during the process, yes. But once the show airs, not really. I have been on fifty shows now and I have not had a single one that was disappointed. They think everyone is going to hate them but then they get to see the hundreds of positive emails. But sometimes it is not the best choice. I would probably put it at 90/10.
We have helped progress the understanding of hoarding. Business is up three-fold for professional organizers. People are reaching out and getting the help they need. The show motivates people. Hoarders need to reach out to the professionals, both therapists and organizers out there for help.
IW: Have you ever turned a client down?
MP: Yes, we turn down clients all the time. If they are not ready and are not at rock bottom, our solution is not going to work with them.
IW: Given that we are all imperfect, and thankfully so, what is your biggest imperfection?
MP: My biggest challenge in life right now is being present for my wife and family right now. I focus so much on the providing role in our family that I forget to just play with my child and just be there for my wife. I focus so much on the financial support that I forget everything else. I need to put my cell phone down when I am home and stop worrying about cash, and just be with my family.
IW: I think a lot of men your age struggle with that.
MP: I am a new husband and a new father. I have only been married 3 years.
IW: Wow, and you have two kids, a two year old and a 12 week old.
MP: We have been hustling. I am learning a lot. I had been by myself most of my life. I had never seen my parents as a couple. They were separated my whole life. So I am really learning to be a husband. I get wrapped up in that whole helping others thing and I have to remember that I need to put my family ahead of that. I struggle with that but the good thing is, my wife doesn’t let it go very far. She is a true partner. I am very lucky. We met at that Comfort Zone Camp. She met me when I was totally broke and she has helped me find myself and get my confidence. She met me at my lowest point.
IW: That is pretty cool, actually.
MP: Very cool. When we met, she was a successful banker and I was a recovering addict cleaning old ladies houses. I was just a trash man until I went on TV. Most people felt sorry for me. My wife saw my potential. I am very lucky. I don’t really struggle anymore with my former addictions. Those are in the past. I still struggle with addiction but my new addiction is being a dad and getting too wrapped up in helping other people and putting them before my family.
I was raised by very strong women. One of the positives that came out of the men in my life dying when I was young is that it left a wide open hole for some really cool women to raise me.
IW: It is really nice to hear that.
MP: I went to a pretty much all girl’s college. It had just switched over to allowing men. That was a good experience. It forced the men on campus to be friends with women at a young age. Fifteen years later, my 10 buddies from college and I talk about how we all married strong, successful women. I think one of the reasons for that is because we attended a college where the women were in charge and everything around us was female driven. I thank God that I went to that college. Ironically, twenty years later, I think that helps me deal with the hoarders.
IW: You have a book out also called The Secret Lives of Hoarders.
MP: Yes, if you want to truly understand hoarding at a base level, I think it is a great intro book. If you need deeper questions answered, go somewhere else.
IW: I have enjoyed talking to you.
MP: I could talk to you all day. You are a good interviewer by the way. This was a great interview. I just really want people to know that I am a very lucky man. My life took a very good turn. My wife, my mom and my grandmas – I can’t say it enough. I am very fortunate to have these great women in my life.
IW: Are your grandmothers still living?
MP: Yes they are and they all just live down the street. It is so cool to watch them all with my kids and my boys to get the kind of attention that I got. I don’t get to see them as much as they do. So now my mom and my wife are so close.
IW: Well that is good because there is another show on TV called “Monster-in-Law”, I think.
MP: (laughing) I tried to watch that and it was so hard.
IW: I tried to watch that once or twice but I think it is staged. Your show isn’t staged at all, is it?
MP: No, this is as real as you get. You can’t make that stuff up. It is so intense. The thing about hoarding is that drama is a natural part of it. There is no fake drama. And drama makes good TV. Someone suffering should not be entertainment, but it is. Welcome to the real world.
IW: I know, I have a real interest in the show and I look forward to watching it and I should probably be embarrassed to say that.
MP: No, I think 90 percent of our viewers watch it because it makes them feel better about their own lives. And that is fine because people are getting help from our show. So many people have been hoarding for so long that it is not a dirty little secret anymore. I think we have helped initiate that conversation in some families.
IW: The follow-ups – where they revisit – are pretty interesting too.
MP: Yes, they are my favorites and we don’t do enough. Also, this season you are going to see some real messes. Every show you will see the worst you have ever seen.
IW: Ok and again, thank you for your time.
MP: My pleasure and thanks for watching the show.
Fantastic interview. I honestly don’t remember ever reading an interview where I so clearly felt I was almost in the room with the interviewee. Matt is awesome. Talk about someone who has used his struggles to become a better more productive human being. I love the respect he has for women and I love his common sense and the empathetic approach he takes with his clients. Best wishes to Matt in all his future endeavors.
I can’t watch the show, roaches crawling all over everything, dead varmits,mice, rats, turn my tummy upside down. I do relate to Matt tho,as I have an estate cleaning business. Of course my rules are so different. The family must remove all medicines, personal clothes and personal paperwork. It’s amazing what you will find in someones home, but elderly people have such classy oldies in their homes. I and a couple of other women I hire, go in and clean, sort, box and get ready for an estate sale. I am pleased to say, I could never relate to his hoader houses, but I have box items up to 500 flats plus furniture for sale date. Pam, those 4 story old homes are priceless. I have purchased many items from the estates on sale date for my own collections of antiques.
Good luck to Matt and his family and kudos to the strong women who stood beside him all those years. Great interview Pam.
Interesting read- I didn’t know he did podcasts. Gotta check those out!
Insightful Interview. Keep up the great work!!! I did not know that he did podcasts either. I will have to check them out. 🙂
I have a very hard time watching Hoarders. It makes me cry.
This was a great interview! Matt is super funny. I love the fact that he’s a regular guy and is open about his past.
My favorite quote of the interview was “Man, we really are all just five decisions away from shitting in a bucket.”
This is so true!
I agree, Hoarders is sometimes hard to watch. That’s part of what makes it so interesting. I like this show and I like Matt. He is really good at a difficult job with the intent to help others (that really need that help) I enjoyed hearing more about him in his own words.
I love this interview. Matt & Pam are so comfortable talking to each other.
I can’t watch the show. Freaks me out. My ex mother inlaw was defintely a horder. But back then, we didn’t realize there were so many other people like her. We just thought, OMG. And hated to go to her house. She has sinced passed and I guess that’s one of the reasons I can watch the show. I know what could be buried under all that stuff. Great interview though. Very interesting how Matt got into this and is now able to help so many people. Great job.
Great interview. I loved reading it. Pam I don’t know if you are such a good interviewer because of your nursing background but you do a fabulous job!
I always enjoy Matt on the show. It’s fun to read about the path that got him where he is today!. I think the quote ““Man, we really are all just five decisions away from shitting in a bucket.” is going to stick with me a while…LOL Funny and profound at the same time!
Looking forward to more of these!
I don’t know when I enjoyed reading any interview as much as this one.
Fantastic, Pam and Matt.
I watch Hoarders every Monday night. Matt always came across as a regular guy but I assumed he had a degree. Now knowing that its his own life experience that he draws from.
I also love it that Matt got this opportunity to be on this show.
ROCK ON MATT!
I have to confess, when watching the clean hoards sometimes I wish I could go through the good stuff they have to get rid of. 😉
I will have to look into his podcasts too.
What a great interview. Certainly gave me good insight into the show. I think it’d be nice if they’d do a follow episode once a year and show the positive side for those who were helped. Seems like there’d be some good value in that.
Matt you sure have heart & “Man, we really are all just five decisions away from shitting in a bucket.” certainly gives a person reason to pause!
Wonderful, wonderful interview. I admire Matt so much. I had to stop watching Hoarders because 1) I was always watching it while eating dinner, which is the WORST idea ever and 2) the hoarders themselves drive me crazy. I am not even dealing with them and I have NO patience for them at all. The personality type that makes one a hoarder just triggers a response in me that is not good. I do have compassion for them in theory but in practice I find that I want to shake the people involved. I don’t think most of them are lazy – it seems like it’s usually driven by mental illness more than anything – depression and OCD – but the way it manifests bugs the crap out of me. The people on the show come off as selfish and so irrational. So I applaud anyone who can deal with them and keep their cool. I mean that sincerely.
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I am definitely not a hoarder but I’m not as good as my sister who can throw anything away without a blink of sentimentality. I tend to stick things in drawers and when the drawer gets full I go through it and throw stuff away. I like order so there are no stacks of things anywhere in my house. I do understand having a sentimental attachment to some things – I’ve kept some things of my mom’s because I can’t stand to get rid of them. But I’m reasonable about it. Like, if I find a batch of canceled checks that she kept, I feel attached to them because that’s her writing; she touched that. But I will keep one check and throw the rest away; I don’t need all 100 of them. That works for me.
I with snickers. I can’t watch the show. Gives me anxiety attacks to think that people live like that.
I watched quite a few shows and got a bit anxious myself. I know what you mean. I love Matt though.
I love that he feels called to do this kind of work…that just amazes me. I think there are very few people who actually can do that for a living. He’s sort of the Mother Theresa to extreme messes.
Thanks everyone, I know it was a long interview but I didn’t feel I could cut anything out. Matt is the best!
I’m so glad you didn’t Pam. There isn’t a part to cut.
I liked him before but now I really like him a lot.
ROCK ON MATT!!!
Pam, I think your experience with your parents is way common and I wouldn’t think of them as hoarders.
How hard it must be to part with when its all happy memories.
Thanks Deborah! No they weren’t hoarders….just collectors.
Pam,
I can join your parents, collecting is a hobby!! I love old things, history that goes with an old quilt, etc.
Great interview!! Hoarders is one of my guilty pleasures, too. I will definitely have to check out his podcasts.
Pam, you gave me a great excuse for sitting on my arse most of yesterday a.m.! Your conversation w. Matt helped me define my own here & now…as did his various websites & interviews. No, I’m NOT a hoarder, but definitely in the category of an old person who never had cause to downsize life’s accumulation of memories in paper & collectables. I have to say my 1st thought of your grand conversation w. Matt matches up w. Pattypie’s thought…does nurse Pam have that special insight into the pain this subject evokes?
When that oak tree met our roof & 3/4 of our life was put in boxes for 4 mos. in a mitigation storehouse – it’s been an enormous wake-up call now that they’ve returned. I’ve been depressed more than sentimentally delighted. Knowing that this is that one window of opportunity to clear out so that our children/grandchildren will NOT ultimately end up having to do it. You have no idea how close I came to calling for Matt’s service in Richmond – only a little over an hr. away.
I must say that Matt’s comment to the WSJ gave me the needed boost. His success came when he stopped focusing on making money & honed in on helping people in very real pain. Does he not have a very full life ahead of him? HOW I LOVE A FEEL GOOD STORY!
Thank you PAM!
IA with Matt and others it was a Fabulous interview!
I also have a difficult time watching the show ~ I have seen a few episodes but some are just to much to stomach.
I even DVR’d a few that I ended up erasing after watching for a few minutes.
I am now interested in reading Matt’s book.
Oh my ~Here is a interesting hoarder story ~ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/karen-samford-72-year-old-postal-worker-hoarding-stolen-mail_n_1229494.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl5|sec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D130069
I’d heard about Matt’s podcasts. People seem to love how real and “tell it like it is” he is. I would be bad a helping hoarders because I would be too soft.
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I really liked hearing about his life story especially his relationships and attitude towards women. I’m all about egalitarianism. He’s sort of like Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) that way. He has potential to be an equal opportunity offender which is fine by me as long he treats every the same. LOL.
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Great interview. Really enjoyed it.
Thank you HB and CoCoPuff! Glad you enjoyed.
Pam,
That was an AMAZING interview. So real! I LOVE Matt Paxton and, after reading that, I love him even more. He seems so down to earth and just an all around solid dude! Your questions were perfect!
Excellent!!!
You are a great interviewer Pam. As a housing inspector that has seen my share of hoarders (the worst being a professional man that hoarded his own pee that he deposited in milk jugs) this interview really interested me. I have to be honest I don’t watch the show..it would be like coming home and watching my job on TV. After reading this interview I think I will give it a try because I was impressed the way Matt comes across in the interview. He is someone that I would like.
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Great interview. I love Matt and love the show. Gotta check out the podcast. His story is great. I bought a house formerly occupied by hoarders so I’m familiar with — the smell. I also help my parents try to get rid of some of their stuff and it’s a challenge so I respect all that he does. I really appreciate the post. Great stuff.
Ok..I have to tell this story. It’s funny. FIrst let me tell you, my family is a goofy collection of smart-alecks. My father died suddenly of a heart attack in 2008, stick with me, it’s gonna get better. After his death my mother moved into a new smaller house and is very happy there. She lives with her dog and a cat and has an abnormal fear of her house smelling like an “old person’s house” to the point she even puts Renuzit Air Freshners in her garage. Ok……so far? Ok. Well my wonderfully smart and responsible sister, who lives 9 hours away from us comes up every so often and scours Mom’s house looking for signs of anything abnormal or weird so she can nag me about taking care of it. Last summer it was over 100 degrees for several days and Mom doesn’t do well in the heat. It was garbage day and she took her can out to the end of her driveway and headed back in the house when she spied 4 Renuzit’s that should have been thrown out too. Well it was entirely too hot for her to walk them out to the garbage can so she put them on a shelf right by where she kept the garbage can and kind of forgot about them. So my sister comes up for a visit, and notices the used Renuzit’s sitting on the shelf and becomes mildly alarmed asking me if I knew why on earth Mom was keeping them. I’m the laid back child of the family and had no answer so naturally my dear sister begins to go to a dark “beginnings of a hoarder case” place in her mind which I find amusing. When she leaves I told my Mom about it. So this is where the smart-aleck comes into play. My mother finds it too easy an opportunity to pass up so she begins to collect all her Renuzits and place them on the shelf by the garbage can as a sort of “Renuzit Shrine” to really rattle my sister the next time she comes to visit. That visit was about 3 weeks ago and I swear my Mom should win an academy award for her portrayal of an “off her rocker” elderly woman. My sister found the “shrine”, questioned Mom, and became increasingly upset with every answer Mom gave her until we could no longer hold it together and busted out laughing and spilled the entire plot to her. Myself, my brother in law, my niece and my children could barely talk we were laughing so hard but my sister took a little longer to see the humor in it. She did though and then we all laughed harder.
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Now I know hoarding is a serious illness and I truly feel for those caught up in it and their families that have to deal with it. This was just a funny little story of my goofy family I thought everyone might enjoy.
Gave me a real LoL chuckle KMom!!!
Kmom, Hilarious!
Kmom2, That is so funny! Good for you and your mom.
Great interview Pam. I know how hard you worked on it. How about a Hoarders episode or two tonight?
I watch Hoarders all the time and would like to know how the camera people film the inside of the homes. I can’t imagine how they are able to climb into and onto a huge, filthy mess and just stand there filming. Must be sort of like working on “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe.
I watch Hoarders and credit it for my recognizing hoarding tendencies I was beginning to develop. Without the show there is no telling how far gone I would be now. I have a great deal of work ahead of me dealing with what I had already created but I have recognized the problem and am working at eliminating it. I do believe that the show should show more of the lower level hoarders. I think it would do beginning hoarders good to see others that are much closer in behavior to what they are doing than the ones currently shown on the show. I think when all that is shown are those individuals with several feet of trash they are walking on and spoiled food and dead animals a fledgling hoarder will find it much easier to take refuge in the hoarder’s secondary pastime, denial. The old “I’m not like that”.
Great interview! I too credit Matt’s show with helping me recognize the early signs of hoarding. My family and I always assumed my Dad was solely responsible for the piles of magazine, novelty beer steins, expired utility bills and letters/ mail and/or photos of people we’d never known or identified. Fortunately, my father shoved these piles into one little back room (necessary since we were a family of 8).
Well, surprise, surprise. When my father passed in 1998, we ALL discovered his legacy ie:”What Makes a Man become a Man.)
You see, when we came to move my Mother into her smaller, self-contained, 55+ trailer, we discovered that my Dad had never been a hoarder, nor did he have hoarding tendencies (according to the piles of correspondence from my Mother’s Doctor to him.).
All the times she would rant about the filthy/cluttering “piles”, he would move them into the back room for her, NEVER ONCE complaining that the hoard didn’t belong to him. In hindsight, he let her know this was all her doing simply by staying silent and moving her crap.
We also now understand why she would gaze at him with those sympathetic loving eyes, (while we loudly grumbled she “should be burning his stuff in the back yard” rather than “gazing at him with adoration…”
After a year of grief, we finally asked Mother if we could rummage through Dad’s piles in the back storage room. She dismissed our request and mumbled that it had been ‘garbage needing to be tossed’. That’s okay, we assured her. We simply wanted to go through his personal piles/collections and then we’x toss it all for her. She wouldn’t have to do a thing.
Ignoring Mother’s mumbled protests, we walked into the back storage room only to find that the ‘collections’ and ‘piles’ were void of my “father”. There was nothing of his – NOTHING!!!.
EVERYTHING in those stacks/ rooms/ house were to do with my mom. Looking around, and then through the house, throughout the rooms, down the hallways, in the basement, and in the garage…one would EVER see, imagine or even know that a man, let alone a husband and father, lived there for 45 years.
Being the oldest, my sister and I began cleaning out the home for the new buyer, when my Mother began screaming like a shrew insisting that she needed those phone bills from 1984 to present and “HOW DARE WE ‘TOUCH’ HER STUFF?” let alone, “THROW IT OUT?”it came to throwing out their telephone bills from 1984,
I realized she was unmanageable, as well as unreasonable, and not only had she robbed up of any mementos of our Father, but she further maligned him without sharing with us, all the times he covered for her unbalanced, and questionable, behaviour. (We figured he discovered that pretending a hoard was his, was not as bad as the scary, alternative behaviour.)
Most memorable was after I threw a pile of old phone bills into a trash bag. Mother (whirling like a Tasmanian Devil) became an unmanageable, screaming, foul-mouthed shrew who threw us out of her home. (After threats of calling the police). Thank you, Dad for maintaining peace and calm throughout our childhoods.
We left, and I have never looked back. (And please don’t say, “Oh but it’s your Mom…” I felt and feel very good with my decision, 21 years after I made it. My only sorry is missing my Father, but now I have shared with all of you, what an amazing, loving, and patient man he was.
I apologize – I initially started to respond to your article because I LOVED your interview. It was really well done and kept the listener’s/reader’s interest the entire time. You asked all the question I am curious about, except one. I cannot remember, which Hoarder’s episode it was (I think it was one with a former Interior Decorator gal who lived in a Heritage Mansion). All I remember is that Matt lost his cool and became very angry. (Of course this was hardly noticeable to me, with the exception that he apologized profusely for becoming angry and losing his cool, “for the first time, ever”.) So my question would be – what was it that pushed him over the edge with her? Was it her sense of entitlement, or was it the fact that she was unable to comprehend the amount of money she was losing/wasting without any care to others who relied on her?
I don’t watch he show to feel better about myself. I watch to inspire my decluttering. It’s easier to get rid of stuff when I’ve been watching the show