Written by Emil Schmit
It was a beautiful day for a wedding. Or for almost anything else, for that matter. It was still early June, and nature was at its best. The countryside surrounding the Midwest country club was flaunting its most gorgeous display. What a day for an outdoor wedding!
Earlier in the day Gloria and I had left our motel to have breakfast with our daughter Pam. On returning, I spied a small object lying on the street. When I bent to pick it up I found that it was nothing special, just a burr for a bolt – a six-sided “hex” nut sized to fit a fine-threaded ¾ inch bolt or steel rod. But it was a new, shiny one and had apparently never been used. It was clean and showed no signs of dirt, rust, or paint. I rolled the nut around in my hand for a short while, then checked its’ size – it was too small for my ring finger, but was almost a perfect fit for my little finger. Not being one to throw anything away, I tucked it into my pocket and joined the others in the motel.
Later, arriving at the country club, I spied grandson Gabe, all “tuxed up,” handsome and apparently ready for his role as best man. Walking up to him, I said, “Now look, Gabe, I have been to a number of these fancy weddings where everything got goofed up and delayed when the Best Man got nervous and couldn’t remember where he had put the wedding ring. If you should happen to forget where you put the ring, we can prevent such a snafu if you carry this substitute ring in the jacket pocket of your tuxedo. The ceremony can progress naturally, and a switch with the real ring can be made later.” I handed him the nut.
Gabe took it, looked it over, slid it into one of his pockets, and assured me, “Don’t worry, Grandpa. I have everything under control.”
At the proper time, we relatives and other guests filed out to our chairs. Some of us exchanged comments about the wonderful weather and the beautiful surroundings, including a small man-made lake shimmering and glimmering in the distance.
Music began to play and the bride’s attendants, beautiful in their long gowns took their places and the bridegroom-to-be, our grandson Zachary, and his equally handsome crew of friends lined up in place. Moving gracefully to the tune of a wedding march, the beautiful bride-to-be, Alyson proceeded down the grassy aisle, took her place at Zak’s side.
The Minister appeared to know his business and the ceremony progressed smoothly until it reached the point where the best man was called forward to present the wedding ring. Gabe moved forward, and … Oh! No! He presented the reverend with the bogus ring! With the fine-threaded ¾ inch hex nut! I think I whispered a quick, silent prayer to Our Creator, fervently asking Him (or Her) to grant the preacher a generous supply of patience, understanding and good humor. More than I had found in a few differences of opinion that had arisen between me and several Men of God in the past.
My prayer, though brief and frantic must have been heard. The minister thoughtfully rolled the nut around in his hand, failing to display even a hint of a smile or of anger or disgust. He motioned for the Groom to step forward and almost silently asked whether or not Zak would accept the ring. The surprised groom shook his head … No … this was certainly not the fancy band of gold he had expected to place on his beautiful young wife’s finger as a symbol of their love and commitment. It certainly was not the ring for which he had lain down the big bucks!
The minister looked back at Gabe and held out an empty hand. Gabe shrugged, then started searching his pockets and finally came up with the piece of jewelry that was correct for the occasion. The ceremony proceeded smoothly from that point on. Later, Gloria mentioned the matter to Gabe, and he replied, “Grandma, I had been wracking my brain for days just trying to think up the proper stunt for the occasion, but that fake ring was just the gimmick I needed.”
The next day our son-in-law, Dana, said, “Grandpa, I just don’t know about that hex nut. It had a place-of-honor on the head table throughout the wedding dinner and the dance that followed. It wouldn’t surprise me if they have it bronzed.” I don’t think the nut was ever bronzed. By now it has most likely been lost and forgotten. And is probably remembered by only a few.
Much like that hex-nut wedding ring, many things now remain with us only in memory. Our ambitious, jolly, fun-loving grandson Gabe, too, now lives only in our world of memories. Struck down by a massive heart attack at the tender age of thirty, he was called away from this world and this life far too early, and is no longer here among us. But he lives on with us in treasured memories, and always will. Just these precious memories remain …
Emil Schmit is the 88 year old father of Pam Buttikofer, one of the owners of Imperfect Women. Emil continues to write although age and health issues have slowed him down a bit. He is a is a self-trained poet, free-lance writer, public speaker, and journalist. His weekly column, “Rhyme and Reason,” appeared for over twenty years in the Dubuque, Iowa daily newspaper, the Telegraph Herald. You can read more of Emil’s Bio here. The typewriter pictured on the bio page is one that he sat at for over 50 years creating many of his “rhymes and reasons.”
Gabe Fleming created and designed our Imperfect Women website. We have created an In Memory Of page to honor Gabe. We invite you to read this page to learn more about this wonderful young man and about a scholarship fund his family has set up.
Regina says
August 18, 2009 at 5:46 amGabe loved his Grandparents very very much. I could see it everytime he spoke of you or with you. You were special to him. Keep writing
Ann@IW says
August 18, 2009 at 6:59 amMy condolences to Gabe’s family on his passing. You have been in my prayers. I admire his strong work ethic and amazing tech skills. He is sorely missed here.
I love this scholarship idea. It is so noble to give other children the opportunity to use their God-given talents this way. It is a wonderful legacy, and a fitting tribute to Gabe Fleming.
Bryan says
August 18, 2009 at 8:04 amI had forgotton about the hex ring, that was just a ridculously funny moment! Fantastic story about Gabe!
Julie says
August 18, 2009 at 8:42 amThat seems like something he would do. Thank you for sharing that story.
Jeff says
August 18, 2009 at 8:56 amI remember arguing with Gabe about his tongue ring he had for a short time. While we were arguing about it Gabe took it off so he could talk clearer and argue with me better. When he did Gabe realized that by taking it off he was making my point. Gabe and I had a good laugh about the irony of that. Gabe had a great sense of humor and I will miss him.
Sarah says
August 18, 2009 at 9:40 amHa ha, what a prankster! I wish I had known him better. From the few times we met, Gabe seemed like a grown up li’l rascal. Sweet and caring and fun.
I loved the phrase “the bogus ring.” It sounds so ominous, especially when I imagine Movie Trailer Guy saying it. “The BOGUS Ring!” Dun dun duhhh.
Alyson says
August 18, 2009 at 10:06 amI think of that day often and still have the “bogus ring”. He was a great brother-in-law and friend. Many of my fondest memories are when we were roommates – he made everything fun!
Miss him with all of my heart!
cindy says
August 18, 2009 at 1:02 pmThank you so much for such a beautiful story and memory…I have never heard this one about Gabe before. I don’t know if you know who I am, I am Michele’s mother. I am so thankful that she has such a loving family on Gabe’s side also. It makes me feel good knowing that you guys will always be a part of her life. Thank you again for sharing Emil…take care and may God bless you.
Dana says
August 18, 2009 at 2:44 pmEmil, so many things we remember and will never forget
The crazed, rum drinking, river pirate says
August 18, 2009 at 4:12 pmOne of many great stories about a great nephew that I think about every day.
Nancy@IW says
August 18, 2009 at 4:18 pmThank you Emil for sharing such a wonderful story. I’m sorry I never got to meet Gabe – what a terrific and talented guy. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and dear friends.
Anya@IW says
August 18, 2009 at 5:18 pmI too am sorry I never got to meet Gabe. If you can know someone somewhat through another, then the impression I have of Gabe is of a funny, generous, hardworking and honorable man. I *wish* there were more men like him.
I have read this story of Emil’s a few times now and it puts a smile on my face every time. Great writing.
I love the tongue ring story! Pirates in Gabe’s family? You guys are a diverse group.
God bless.
Jennie@IW says
August 18, 2009 at 5:57 pmI also didn’t “know” Gabe, though I knew (and continue to know) of him through Pam and through the wonderful work he did on this site. I can attest that before he died he impressed us all with the hard work and dedication he put into IW. If it’s not presumptuous to miss someone I didn’t know, I miss Gabe.
Lyle Ernst says
August 18, 2009 at 6:34 pmMy deepest condolences to my friend Emil and his family.
Emil says
August 18, 2009 at 6:44 pmThank you all so much for your kind words about the “bogus wedding ring” story. It seemed a tale that just had to be told. Just another great memory of a wonderful grandson. As do so many others, Gloria and I will always love and remember our Gabe.
Lily@IW says
August 18, 2009 at 7:06 pmThank you for sharing. Reading your story and all of the comments about Gabe, makes me wish I knew him.
My deepest condolences to you and your family on your great loss.
Theresa says
August 18, 2009 at 7:11 pmEmil and family, my deepest sympathies to you. I, too never met Gabe, but I remember how in the early stages of this site, how he was finetuning and seeing a note or two from him.
I just read the In Memory Of page, and with the story above, I feel like I lost a friend, too. My condolences too to Pam and Jeff who have lost a dear friend.
Kay Y says
August 19, 2009 at 7:45 amDear Emil, Thank you for getting that story written for others to share in the joy and laughter! Please know that I will be praying for you and Gloria and all Gabe’s family and friends. May you lean on our gracious LORD in the hours, days, months and years ahead and somehow find His peace.
*kay y*
Bob Schildgen says
August 19, 2009 at 9:35 amMy condolences to all. I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet Gabe. The wedding ring story is very moving–vintage Uncle Emil.
Bob Schildgen
Joanne Neuendorf says
August 19, 2009 at 11:53 amSincere sympathy to all of Gabe’s family and friends. your support and caring for each other will help ease the pain of your loss. May God support and comfort you all.
Wayne Nuti says
August 19, 2009 at 6:14 pmA very heartwarming story combining humor,joy,and sorrow. More precious memories shared from a brilliant writer.
Emil says
August 19, 2009 at 6:30 pmBoth Gloria and I were thrilled to see the new “In Memory Of” page. It is pretty much a life history of our dear Gabe…and what a tribute! Each time one of the multitude of pictures disappears, it is immediately replaced by another, bringing with it another flood of our precious memories.
Pam says
August 19, 2009 at 8:59 pmThanks Dad for this very touching memory of Gabe. I believe it is one of your finest pieces of “art.” At 85 you are still an amazing writer. You and Mom are also wonderful parents and grandparents and that is evident by how much you are loved by your children and grandchildren.
This was classic Gabe, wasn’t it? And you his willing partner in crime. So many memories.
I am Gabe’s aunt and his mother Regina is my only sister. We are extremely close and this tragedy has brought us even closer. We love each other’s kids as if they were are own. But even so, I can not even imagine what she and her husband Dana are going through. I found a quote which I shared with Regina which gave me some insight – “When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future.” His wife, parents and brother Zak and his wife Aly are always in my thoughts and prayers.
We here at Imperfect Women were very fortunate to work with Gabe. Gabe was also my partner in another business adventure and we worked very closely together on that for the past several years. Although, I will have to admit that there were days we talked more about the Packers than we did any business. 🙂
There is one picture in the slideshow on the In Memory Page where Gabe is standing in front of the Packer’s training room where a sign says “Champions Train Here.” In my eyes, Gabe was a Champion.
Eileen says
August 20, 2009 at 2:15 pmBeautiful memory. Beautiful tribute.
Such a wonderful, perfect story to help those of us who did not know Gabe to capture the essence of who Gabe was. Thank you for sharing this.
I can only imagine the raw emotion the family must be experiencing. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. God Bless.
Zak says
August 21, 2009 at 8:27 amThank you to everyone for the kind words about Gabe and Grandpa.
We always had a lot of fun, even during the “serious” moments. That story is a favorite of mine and think about it every time I see the wedding pictures with all of us. What a good time and what a great life to live. Gabe was blessed with many adventures and a lot of love and laughter. We were all lucky to have been able to be apart of it, and the stories of our experiences with him will live on.
Grandpa, thanks for keeping the more embarrassing stories of us off the net-which are numerous.-Love you!
Zak
Samantha@IW says
August 21, 2009 at 12:51 pmThank you Emil. I wish I could’ve known him. What a great story and an amazing young man.
Michele Fleming says
August 31, 2009 at 7:26 pmThat is a beautiful story! And all your comments as well. I attempted to read this several times but could never get far. I got through it today. I am so grateful to have known Gabe and that he chose me. I always told him I didn’t know what I would do without him, it is hard but am figuring it out.