Chances are you know Jenny McClendon better as Jenny Masche, one of the stars of WETV’s “Raising Sextuplets” along with her adorable sextuplets and ex-husband Bryan Masche. Jenny and Bryan have since divorced and Jenny married Levi McClendon in March of 2012. Jenny gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Cash Allen, this past January and they are raising their blended family in Arizona.
By Jenny McClendon
I’m writing this because the issue that has most heavily weighed on my heart in the past year is my divorce. My hope is that anyone experiencing similar issues or contemplating divorce will gain a little insight from my journey that I am on and that I will possibly help someone who is walking a similar path.
I have had an amazing year, needless to say: An uneventful pregnancy and smooth delivery of a healthy, beautiful adorable baby boy, six precious children that are turning six who make me feel like I’m the luckiest mom in the world, two step sons that I genuinely enjoy and love, and a man that I’m so in love with and so proud to call my husband!
So the question is why? Why do I have days that are so dark, where I feel so sad and have so much guilt and regret? Fear of the future and anxiety for my kids? These are issues I have been working through this past year and in my opinion it comes down to experiencing the “consequences of divorce”. I’m not saying everyone will experience these consequences or emotions; maybe they’ll experience a totally different set of emotions. However, for me, these are the emotions I experience and some days are just SO HARD!!
When I think of the pain I caused another human being (my ex) or the questions my kids face like, “Why do we have to go back and forth?” and “Why did you divorce our dad?”… my heart drops, and immediately I wish I could make it different for them! Yet I’m not sure if I would/could make it different. The sextuplets are my world and I’m thankful every day that God gave me these precious gifts, and for that reason alone I’m thankful for my first marriage. In addition, I feel so overwhelmingly blessed that God gave me a husband like Levi, who treats me better than I ever could have imagined, and a marriage that I have always longed for. And yet another blessing, a precious, amazing new little addition, Cash Allen, who all ten of us can’t imagine life without.
You would think, “Wow, life seems so perfect! And how happy she must be!” And generally speaking, I am happy and thankful! However, there are days that I experience sorrow and regret and think “What if?” or “Should I have done this or that?” or “Why God, couldn’t I just have 9 amazing kids from one amazing man and a nuclear family like I always dreamed of?!? Are you hearing me? How can it be so good and yet so hard all at the same time? How do I make sense of all of this?”
I have a best girlfriend who is in similar shoes as I am: we both went through divorces, found what we believe to be “the right one” and are living in blended families. I occasionally get a text, “How can I do this?” She shares issues with money, her ex, step children, blending families… so many emotions she’s not sure she can do it and wishes she could go back 15 years and make different choices the first go around! Every time we talk I think “I’m so sorry you are going through this! Yet I’m so glad I’m not alone in all these crazy emotions that I’m experiencing!” Currently I am in the midst of these emotions so I don’t really have an answer to how or when they will subside… or if they ever do. According to a few books on blending families and remarriage, that it takes about 7 years. That seems so long!
Bottom line, I don’t have the answers. Genuinely, I’m happy and thankful and I feel tremendously blessed and know my kids are witnessing a healthy, loving relationship between a man and a woman! But in the blessing is very mixed emotions of sadness and pain. I hate to be writing about something depressing, but it is reality! I simply want others to know that if they are living the same reality, they are not alone! If you are about to walk down a similar road or path, these are some of the natural consequences that exist with choosing divorce. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I do know that God says he hates it, and I believe he hates it because he knows it is painful for his children. So I will continue to walk forward, praying for healing and loving my husband and my children daily. Helping them through any of the consequences they face from my choices.
I do know I serve a gracious and merciful God and for that reason alone I have Hope! And I know time will heal. Hopefully in the next blog post (be it in 6 months or a year), I will be writing on a different subject!! 🙂
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Jenny McClendon (Masche), star of WETV’s “Raising Sextuplets”, blogs about her journey and her passions: motherhood, faith, family, fitness.