‘I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.’
Oh Carrie. How perfectly you summate the sentiment every other woman in the Western world must have immediately felt in hair-pulling horror as the news that the all white ensemble is one of this season’s key trends hit the fashion newsstands. Admittedly, I actually quite like what my hair’s doing today, but wear all white? Why, I had jambalaya for lunch: the only thing saving me from wearing it as an interesting print is that my dress is black and thus you can’t see how much I’ve dropped down my front. All white? Well, here I must once again hand over to Ms Bradshaw.
Traditionally, the all white ensemble is reserved for mythical virgins, brides and those going as ghosts for Halloween in a sheet with two holes cut out for eyes. But this season, designers such as Christopher Kane, Givenchy, Calvin Klein and Philip Lim have embraced the ‘virginal innocence of youth’ as embodied by white attire and shoved in manfully down our throats.
Now, as someone who has not been able to eat spaghetti without staining since 1990 ̶ and only then because it was chopped up and I was being fed with a spoon shaped like an airplane ̶ I more than anyone am aware of what an absolute arse this is. This is the kind of trend we snorting agree to with a snarky, ‘yeah, when I can accessorize with my impenetrable-by-dirt plastic bubble.’ I hear you. But this is where we are letting ourselves down. After all, how often have we been periodically crippled or worn crop tops in our allegiance to fashion? Now we’re being threatened by a color? And not even a color. C’mon guys, we’re better than this. Here’s how to do this with aplomb:
1. Pick your moment: weddings, Italian restaurants, festivals and children’s parties are not your time to shine. On the other hand, a white tuxedo ̶ the holy grail of the trend ̶ is achingly chic and entirely appropriate for any evening event where you’ll be standing lots ̶ equally to show it off as to avoid creasing ̶ and will be drinking light colored drinks. A similar principle can be applied to the weather, though if possible, I do recommend buggering off to the Mediterranean for the duration of the summer to wear this best.
2. In the absence of color, experiment with different fabrics and textures: a leather jacket over a silk dress, for example. Note: thicker, weightier fabrics will prevent unnecessary flashing and exposing under things (even if you’re in light lingerie, thin or cheap material will let it shine through).
3. Try using off white/cream shades to offset the brilliance of Dazz-lauded whites. More flattering; less scary.
4. Get a grip: how often do you wear a white tee with your jeans or a white shirt to work without automatically descending into a massive flap? Adding a pair of bottoms to the mix should not throw us. We must not let this beat us. Just watch where you sit.
5. If all else fails, wear a bib. Why, I had a very nice dinner date with a gentleman, promptly and firmly tucking my napkin into the cleavage of my white dress upon sitting down. Five months later and we’re very happily together, which leads me to the conclusion that 1. bibs are not in fact the dirge of all sexuality; 2. sometimes, practicality is key and function must win out over (or at least occasionally reside side by side with) fashion; and 3. That he must never leave me ̶ I’ll never find someone who’ll love me as I am again.
And there you have it. See, not that hard after all, eh?
Amy Lavelle is a journalist from UK fashion comparison site Style in View. She’s contributed to a number of publications including Spindle magazine.
I have thrown out more white tees then I can count over the years!! Food does seem to gravitate smack dab where it is very visible–and no matter how I try-those stains just do not come out!! An all white dress–yeah I would wear one–a white skirt–yes again–white pants–possibly (now that I have lost weight) But I think I would accessorize with very colorful items!!
all white is really nice, but I am always messy, if I buy something that is white I am sure that i would wear it just once or twice and they are no longer wearable for outside thing.
all white dress yes… but I would say know to a pant 🙂
I wish I could wear white, but I think it just looks horrible with my skin tone. It’s not flattering to me at all. Plus, yeah, I spill stuff.
Anything dirty gravitates towards me when I wear white so I try and stay away from it – maybe one day I will brave up! x
Some items only look good in white I would be afraid to get dirty lol
I have never been one to wear white. I did buy a dress this summer that is white and blue but have been afraid to wear it. I might wear it this weekend at a baby shower…keep your fingers crossed that I don’t stain it.
I have the same sentiments about wearing white..and I wear bibs too or if I am home eating something sloppy I will actually take my shirt off. I needed a white shirt for the church orchestra last week. I didn’t even own one, I had to go buy one and most of them are so thin, I ended up just going with a basic tee because all the newer stuff would have had me feeling like I was giving the church a peep show.
I would look like a ghost if I wore white. I have such light skin that it just doesn’t work. I spill on everything I wear, not just white.
I don’t even by white after having kids anymore. Before kids I loved white but now it is impossible to keep clean.
Hubby recently did all white for our wedding but that’s probably about it. 🙂
I don’t think I can pull it off at my age and skin tone, but I do love to see an all-white ensemble tastefully put together on others. I do wear more white during summer though. Usually just tees or peasant blouses, but it’s fun to dress up with different color cardigans. Just need to remember to pick a beige or white bra! 😉
Very cute, chic and summery. I am almost afraid of white though…not of it washing me out, but it seems to draw everything. When you wear white or light colors, I always drop or rub up against something. Kudos who all that go for the all white dress. It’ll look great!
I love white, it looks great on me but not the food that I spill on it. Not only food, I tend to spill drinks too. I am very clumsy. Unfortunately no more white clothing for me.
I love whites and creams and love that it’s so in right now. Nothing looks more summery than whites and the grandkids are constantly getting me dirty but that’s ok. I look at it as their fingerprints of love and wouldn’t change it for anything.
I always love to wear white. Which is the symbol of peace. Although after wear white have to walk carefully .. lol. At summer white also comfortable.