By Naomi
Hi to all of the imperfect (and perfect) women of Imperfect women! My name is Naomi and I am newer to the blogging world, I just launched my own blog at DelightCreativeHome.com, where I share with you my delightfully (tiny) creative home, DIY projects, home décor and just recently, my adoption story. Because a little one will make 3, and our growing family will make our house more of a home than any of my decorating projects ever could! I am so excited to share with you part of our story here at Imperfect Women, not only because everyone always has a question for me about adoption, but because I love to talk about the amazing experience it has been so far.
A question I get asked often, and I am going to try to tackle today is: “Why Aren’t You Adopting From Here?”
When people ask this one, you can only assume they mean a domestic adoption – then most often my brain jumps to… “well… this answer is much longer than you think it is… do you really want to hear it all?!” So as succinctly as I can put it is this: “An International Adoption is the right option for us right now. If I don’t know you from Jane Smith on the street, you are getting an answer that is as simple as that.”
However, if I have a friend ask me this… and they have… here is the long answer: The foster-to-adopt program in our state is not as pretty as most. The goal of the foster system in our state is to return the child to their biological family, not to find a new home for them (which can be good or bad in each individual case.) We may pursue this path later, but for now, we aren’t ready for the loss of each child in and out of our home.
A domestic infant adoption-adopting a baby from the US and a US birthmother- can also be a great way to grow a family. You have to prepare a profile that is seen by many birthmothers. We had one agency tell us outright “it can be a popularity contest of sorts… the big houses, good money and attractive couples may be chosen first.” Now, we had not met this person, nor shared any of our information with her, so she wasn’t judging us… but still, it was weird that someone in the “thick of it” would say something like that. It seemed scary that our becoming parents would all hinge on someone finding us “attractive.”
This left us with international adoption. A country can close its doors to adoption by United States citizens at any time. Russia did so very recently. Guatemala did a while ago and is still closed; others have already or have threatened to close. It is a very scary possibility, but when we decided on this route, we felt like we made the right decision. After every hurdle we jump over, we feel like we are headed in the right direction. So we chose an international adoption. Not because there aren’t good things that come from adopting from the foster care system or from a domestic infant adoption, it is just that, an International Adoption is the right option for us right now (see how that worked, back to the simple short answer!).
When it comes to adoption – do your research! Figure out what works for your family – the adoption process is not what you think it is and not what it was just a few years ago. I am positive you would be blessed no matter what option you choose.
For more about our adoption journey – please visit my blog at DelightCreativeHome.com!
Carol says
April 7, 2013 at 8:35 pmI love this! We have internationally adopted children in our family and we were totally shocked at some of the criticism we received.The reasons you stated above are exactly the reasons my family went the route they went. At the end of the day don’t all children deserve a loving family, no matter what country they were born in.Good luck to you in your journey to adopt, it’s not for the faint of heart.
JennieIW says
April 7, 2013 at 9:06 pmI find people who criticize such a personal decision loathsome and mean-spirited. First of all, it’s not anyone’s business but the parents who are adopting. Second of all, there’s a whiff of xenophobia in such criticism. I think a lot of us know that there are complications inherent in U.S. adoption that may be absent in international adoptions, but beyond that, I think there are cases where you may literally be saving a life with an international adoption. Best of luck, Naomi!
Anya@IW says
April 7, 2013 at 9:26 pmHi Naomi. Thank you for sharing your story at IW. I checked out your blog (I’ll be back) and there is a lot of great stuff there. I particularly like the DIY stuff. Being not very creative, I love seeing what truly creative people are doing in terms of home organization and decoration. Sometimes I just need the inspiration to get going.
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And I very much agree with Carol and Jennie. I don’t see how any one can presume to tell you what is right for your family. But these people exist. Sigh. I guess it’s great they have their own lives all figured out! 😉
Rachel via Facebook says
April 8, 2013 at 7:03 amLove, love, LOVE this post… we haven’t adopted, but I wouldn’t rule it out and I certainly would not rule out international adoption!!! Thanks for the great post!
Jen says
April 8, 2013 at 7:23 amNaomi,
Thank you for sharing your story with us! My sister-in-law works for child welfare in the adoption unit so I understand the foster-to-adopt issues and how hard that can be for everyone involved. Bottom line, you are doing what’s best for your family and no one else should judge that. We all know there are Judgy-McJudgerson’s out there who like to be in everyone else’s business but who cares what they think. You are saving a child, which is all that matters.
I look forward to hearing more from you as you guys move forward with the adoption. Best of luck to you all!
Krista B says
April 8, 2013 at 7:28 amGreat article – thanks for sharing your thoughts on international adoption. I have several friends who have adopted internationally that get the same question!! I would love to tell people to mind their own business!!
Annabelle says
April 8, 2013 at 7:31 amThank you for sharing your thoughts! I’ve heard so many sides but this to me always rings true: No matter where the child has come from, they need a home.
April Wray says
April 8, 2013 at 7:34 amThanks for sharing that. I hear a lot about this topic, I just try not to get into the depths of it b/c it’s none of my business why anyone chooses to adopt Internationally vs here in the US. To each their own! Good Luck to you!
Tara A. says
April 8, 2013 at 8:01 amI’m so happy for you that you’re going to get to bring your little one home soon. I did follow your link out to your blog to hear more about your journey. This is a great lead in post that really made me want to learn more about you! I understand the ache to have a child in your life and how complicated that can be in various stages in your life. I personally think all forms of adoption are a good idea, and different situations fit different people. I don’t think it is anyone else’s place to judge or make your decision but you and your partner.
http://my-second-chances.blogspot.com/
Lily@IW says
April 8, 2013 at 10:09 amThank you for sharing your thoughts! I’ve heard so many sides but this to me always rings true: No matter where the child has come from, they need a home. ~Annabelle
I wholeheartedly agree! Bless anyone who takes a child in need as their own.
I haven’t checked out your blog yet, but I will. International adoption is an interesting topic. I know very little about it (and def no more children for me). I have heard about Guatemala and Russia closing down that option, I felt so bad for the parents pending their children. I didn’t know Guatemala was still closed.
Wishing the best for your family.
Thanks so much for sharing w/us. I love love that pic.
Anna at Mama Writes says
April 8, 2013 at 3:50 pmI think adopting a child from anywhere in the world is a great way to get all children who need it into the homes they deserve. For anyone to criticize people because they are adopting a child internationally or domestically, is just so shallow and ignorant in my opinion.
snickers says
April 8, 2013 at 5:42 pmAny child deserves a a family filled with love, hope and dreams for the their future. Bless those families, and wish you well in the journey down the road.
Brittani Welch says
June 21, 2013 at 11:55 pmThis is awesome 🙂 My hubby and I are considering adopting a little boy from Africa.