My dad was a Good Man. Not a perfect man or a flawless man, but a Good Man. He was kind, generous to a fault, damn funny, and more wise then he realized. Most of all, he overflowed with pride for his family. “You know, your mother is the reason you all turned out as good as you did”, he said to me in the weeks before he died. “I was always busy with work.” Then he added, “She raised you kids.” He was right about one thing. He was often busy with work. He worked hard. He grew up with nothing and wanted his family, his children, to have a much better life than he did. We did have a better life than he had growing up, and not just when it came to the material things his hard work provided. We weren’t rich by any means, but in the much simpler world of the 1970’s I don’t remember wanting for anything.
I think in me, my dad recognized the dreamer that had long been buried under a lifetime of duty and the limitations he placed on himself. He grew up in the age of “spare the rod and spoil the child”; he had a much kinder and gentler approach to parenting. Now don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t dripping with compliments or positive reinforcement. But when he said something, he meant it. I remember once working at the kitchen table on some project for school. That in itself was a rare occurrence, as rarely did something at school inspire me enough to want to put in the extra effort at home. He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and very carefully perused my work. He looked over at me and said “ You can do anything you put your mind to.” I replied with the typical teenage eye roll and probably said something smart-assed about his smoking. I was always on him about his smoking. But that one phrase had a bigger impact on my life than he could ever have imagined.
Sometimes it seems like it’s been a thousand years since my dad last walked this earth. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. When I look at my children, I am reminded how a person never really dies but lives on in the hearts of others. My son has proven to us that a sense of humor is genetic. My husband and I often shake our heads in amazement at how a child who never knew his grandfather can have the same quirky way of making a person laugh. My little daughter has the same deep level of kindness and compassion for her fellow humans and four legged creatures as her granddad. He would have found his little granddaughter completely delightful.
My dad died long before his time. It was lung cancer. As I sat by his hospital bed, he quietly told me, “This time, I am going to quit for sure.” He was true to his word. He never smoked another cigarette. He died early the next morning. Even in death my dad taught me another lesson. It is an unmeasurable honor to spend time with someone during their final hours on earth.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. You lived life well.
About the Author:
Patty is a busy Mom of 2 with a background in TV and Film production, and Information Technology. She is a champion of the underdog. She loves good food and to laugh out loud. She still hasn’t decided what she is going to be when she grows up. She’ll let you know when she does. You can reach her at Pattypie@imperfectwomen.com
PattyPie says
June 15, 2012 at 10:52 amBe sure to check out Pam’s father’s day post from last year. https://imperfectwomen.com/fathers-day-a-few-good-men/
Samantha@IW says
June 15, 2012 at 10:58 amThanks for sharing Patty! Happy Fathers to him and all the fathers- both here and passed.
Roozerdo says
June 15, 2012 at 2:41 pmPatty, that is such as sweet story. I am so happy for you that you had a special dad and that he was kind and loving. I have two daughters, a biological Daughter and my husband’s daughter that I raised. Their dad’s love them very very much and they too will have the wonderful memories that a daughter should have with their fathers. I often envy people, especially girls/women who talk about and have wonderful dads, as I did not. My dad left my mom before I was born and the very few times that I did see him, I felt outcast. My mom remarried a couple times while I was growing up, but never did I ever feel I had a Dad.
I did however have a wonderful Father in Law. And although I only knew him for a few years. He was very very special to me. He always said I was the daughter he never had. And I always told him that he was the dad that I NEVER had. After my mother in law passed, Dad came to stay with us for a while and we really bonded. If I saw something and just mentioned how I like it, he bought it for me. When the Boys were going thru their moms things after she passed, there were so many things that Dad wanted ME to have, little trinkets and stuff that he said HE wanted to make sure I got. When he was a young boy, he made a shelf unit. He said it was the first thing he had ever built. He gave that to me and I still use it today. Funny how a little bit of wood can mean so much.
When he became ill, I went to stay with him and help take care of him. And you are so right Patty, “It is an immeasurable Honor to spend time with someone during their last hours on Earth“. The Fathers Day before he passed away, I wrote this poem for him.
My Dad
There once was a man who gave me life
But he was never around when I needed advice
Often I was sad and I wished he were there
I would look all around but could only stare
I never knew what most of you do
Until I married and said I do
As everyone saw him as my “Father in Law”
I saw him only as a man without flaw
It really doesn’t matter, except I’m no longer sad
I have a wonderful man I can now call MY DAD
Wishing all the Great Dad’s a Wonderful Fathers Day…..
Pam@IW says
June 15, 2012 at 4:53 pmReally heartwarming, Patty.
“When I look at my children, I am reminded how a person never really dies but lives on in the hearts of others.” So true.
I wish all the Fathers out there a happy Father’s Day this weekend but especially mine, :). Love you Dad!
Pam@IW says
June 15, 2012 at 4:55 pmRoozerdo,
A very beautiful story and beautiful poem. You were blessed to have been loved by such a wonderful father-in-law.
PattyPie says
June 15, 2012 at 5:54 pmRoo thank you so much for sharing. What lovely story and a heartfelt poem! You got the “Dad” you needed you just had to wait a while for it. Even though your time with him was short, it warms my heart to know your time with him was so very special. Your Dad raised his son up to be a good Dad too!
snickers says
June 15, 2012 at 8:54 pmPattypie,
A beautiful tribute to your Father. I lost mine also, but he did so many teaching moments with all of us. My love of gardening and flowers came from him. We had a huge garden and both my parents loved flowers. I do remember when I felt so grown up at about the age of six, when he gave me a package of green bean seeds and let me plant the rows that year. Oh my, my first rows all by myself, and I wanted them to be in perfect rows. To a small child this was a great event in my life. We spent many hours together for years, laying out the garden, making plans for next season, and even today, when I walk through the garden gate, he stands beside me.
Roo, loved your poem. You found your true Dad. 🙂
Happy Father’s Day to everyone. Thinking of Emil with a special wish from the IW gals and guys.
Holly says
June 15, 2012 at 11:37 pmPattypie,
What a lovely and honest story about your Dad. I enjoyed everyone sharing about their Fathers and realizing that these were truly “Men of a different age”. My Father worked many hours too,he was a salesman often coming home after we the kids had eaten dinner and were on our way to bed. He had an incredible sense of responsibility for providing for his family and “making it on his own”. He too loved to garden and go camping, he was direct but had a great sense of humor, most of all I knew I could count on him. He passed away almost fifteen years ago and I miss him every day. Once you lose a Parent, if you were close to them, you are changed forever in a million different ways. Recently, my Friend’s Mother died and my “heart broke for her” not in a feeling of sympathy but in a way that only those who have lost a Parent can feel. I am thankful that I had such a great Father and glad to read about so many other great Fathers too.
Regina says
June 16, 2012 at 8:25 amTouching article.
pattypie says
June 17, 2012 at 8:09 pmHere is hoping everyone had a wonderful day…:-)
Pam@IW says
June 17, 2012 at 9:22 pmWe did, pattypie. I hope everyone else did too. Weather was beautiful and we had a great meal and some nice family time.
Anya Tennyson says
June 18, 2012 at 11:12 amPatty, what an honest and loving tribute to your dad. And I loved Pam, Roozerdo’s and others contributions. As imperfect people, I find it so freeing that we can look at our parents (and other loved ones) with candid, yet loving and open hearts. Like you said, he wasn’t a flawless man, but a GOOD man. Love this.
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“It is an unmeasurable honor to spend time with someone during their final hours on earth.”
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So very true from my own experience. Additionally, it is an honor to be of service to our parents as they begin to experience the decline that most of us (if we are granted the privledge of old age) will experience.
Lily@IW says
June 20, 2012 at 11:33 amSo sweet PP, brought tears. I am thankful for all of us who were blessed with good fathers. Mine taught me much and I miss him.
Lily@IW says
June 20, 2012 at 11:34 amYes, check out Pam’s article from last year as well. Thanks for posting that link PP. It was special article.