In the last few years I have become quite the planner. I learned from Tara Marino at Elegant Femme that when there are things you want for yourself, “if it doesn’t get on the calendar, it doesn’t happen.” So I schedule in not only business and family events, but all the fun experiences I want to have in complete detail. I had vowed that this summer was going to be a “real” summer experience and not just another summer working and seeing the beach on the weekends.
This was my screen-saver:
As insurance brokers, my husband and I earn our living by seeing clients and are paid on a commission basis. Our plan was to work really hard in the month of June and see as many clients and referrals as possible. Since we really enjoy helping people and sharing information, we would do as much as we could in June and then July would be the month for some free time. We had planned to go to Santa Cruz and the surrounding beach cities and see one of my favorite friends. From there we would drive to Lake Tahoe, since my husband Stu (a native New Yorker) has always wanted to go there. Our plan was to enjoy nature as well as relaxing and taking it easy.
Well that was my plan and then…boom! On May 31st I found myself calling the paramedics in the middle of the night to take Stu to the hospital. He was very sick and couldn’t breathe! After a few days in the hospital, we found out he had a gallbladder issue and a bad reaction to his blood sugar medication. The next month was spent seeing different specialists, and unfortunately Stu was in a lot of pain and sleeping a lot. I spent most of my time dealing with health insurance, getting authorizations for different doctors and medications, and trying to be supportive. This was not my plan! What about my “Summer of Love?” Since I knew my husband was on the mend I made a decision to make sure these events didn’t stop me on my daily pursuit of joy and happiness. When you are in a caretaker role, “self care” is even more important than ever.
If you find yourself caught up on a detour on your “Road to Reinvention” like I did, try a few of these suggestions to still achieve that sense of joyfulness.
Have a gratitude list.
I usually do this right before I go to sleep although some people like to wake up with a gratitude list. You can write it down, say it out loud, or just think it in your mind, but make a list of everything you are thankful for. This practice has really made me see how lucky I am. I am thankful for a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, my beautiful mother, my family, my ever helpful and supportive son, my interesting and creative neighbors, and more.
Thankful for these two: my 15 year old cat, Bella, and my 3 year old dog, Trixie who are “best friends”:
Surround yourself with things that uplevel your senses.
Try candles that smell relaxing and delicious or music that makes you happy! Photos of places or people you love or quotes that inspire…really anything that raises your vibration.
Do something that will help someone else.
So many people are suffering and going through such challenging battles, much worse than we were. I love to send cards of encouragement and support. Even a text or email can make someone’s day.
Get outside.
I found that I was spending a lot of time at my desk and on the phone and feeling very restless. I needed to move! When I took my little dog, Trixie, for a walk I spent much longer outside with her than I normally did. I also took another walk in the afternoon and instead of rushing through it, I began to appreciate the beautiful trees and flowers in my neighborhood.
Check in with your feelings.
This was the hardest one for me. Sometimes we don’t want to admit how we feel. Over the course of the last two months, I at times found myself feeling resentful, angry, disappointed, anxious, and stressed. Once I admitted how I was feeling and gave myself some time to acknowledge it, I was able to get past it and into a more joyful and positive place. We cannot fix what we don’t admit! There is no hiding from yourself.
We all face detours on the Road To Reinvention and these steps helped me keep going. I hope that some of these help you too. I am looking forward to my “Summer of Love” even if it’s in October!
Check out a few of Holly’s previous posts where she shares her journey on her Road to Reinvention:
On the Road to Reinvention with a Baby Alpaca
Holly Zucker is a wife, mother of a grown son, business owner and on the “Road to Reinvention”. After feeling like she had “lost herself” she has spent the last few years bringing back joy, pleasure, passion, fun, and community into her life. Her mission is to help other women “reinvent themselves” and start living their dreams and desires. We’ve done so much for everyone else, it’s our turn now!
Sometimes getting up, taking a walk outside and breathing in the fresh air is all you need to recharge and reset.
That’s what i usually do when things get out of hand.
Robin,
You are so right. Just the fresh air makes you feel better.
If you ask me dear Holly, you HAVE experienced the summer of love. It might not have been like the pictures you had in your mind, but there was definitely allot of love in your story. Loved it. 🙂
Kathleen,
Thank you so much. I am so lucky to have so many supportive people in my life and that is where gratitude comes in. You could literally make me cry with your comment. Thank you.
Sorry to hear about what happened to Stu! I am no stranger to detours on the path to…just about anything. A gratitude list is a great idea.
Pam,
Thank you so much for your caring words. I definitely have gratitude for the IW Community
I find finding a quiet spot in my house to relax will recharge me even for just 5 Mins. Getting that is a whole other issue.
Jeanine,
That’s so true. I never realized until recently how much “quiet” can be healing.
You are so wise to take care of yourself during this difficult time with Stu. It’s easy (especially for women) to forget about our own needs when we’re taking care of somebody else. Keep up the good work on the road to reinvention.
Angeli,
Thank you. I know you know exactly how it feels. Let’s travel the Road To Reinvention together.
This is life right? We plan and God throws us a curve ball.
Maureen,
You are so right. I guess it’s how we handle it that matters
I’m so glad that you were able to identify what was ailing your husband. It’s so important to slow down and take care of your health sometimes.
Toughcookiemommy (I love that name)
Slowing down was not easy for my Husband because he was worried about finances and working! It finally hit him that if he doesn’t truly find out what was wrong with him and make some “lifestyle” changes, he could be sick for a long time! Thank you for your comments.
I hope Stu continues to feel better. I have about 30 minutes of quite in the morning to drink my coffee. It really helps me start the day off relaxed.
Catherine S,
Thank you for your well wishes. It took me along time to realize it was okay to give myself that time in the morning. I’m glad you figured it out already.
A gratitude list is an amazing idea. I bet it would teach my girls a great lesson as well. Maybe we can turn this into a family dinner conversation. Thanks for the great idea.
Lady Lilith,
So glad you like the idea of a Gratitude List. I have a friend who is a teacher and once a week she has each student write down something they are thankful for on a small piece of paper, then she puts all the paper slips into a bowl and at the end of the school year they read them out loud. I also read about a mom who has her children share what they are thankful for at dinner time (also writing it down on slips of paper) and they collect them for the whole year and share them on New Years Eve. I love that idea too.
I have a quiet spot in my house that I love to go to unwind.
Amber
That sounds wonderful
Sometimes I need to just unplug and get some fresh air. It makes me feel refreshed and ready to go again.
Maureen,
I can totally relate to that. Even ten minutes outside helps.
i totally agree with your 1st image! When we make plans normally we fall on our face, at least that has been my experience.
Mama of 5 Blessings (love that name)
I learned to be a “planner” because I was always putting my plans last. Yes, sometimes they don’t work out but it’s how we handle the disappointment that matters.
I hate being a planner! I always have so many what if senarios in my head. I need to just relax and enjoy each day.
Janell,
The only things I plan are things that I really want to experience. I always thought of myself as a “fly by the seat of my pants” kind of person, but I realized that if I committed on paper to a few things that I really wanted they were more likely to happen.
There are days that I get so tied up with work that all I need to do is to sleep. Give me a few hours of quiet slumber and I will wake up refreshed and ready to work again.
Annemarie,
It seems so many women are “sleep deprived”! Glad you are able to practice getting enough sleep, it definitely makes us feel “refreshed” and ready to go.
Getting a whiff of fresh air always works. This is a great list. I hope everything turns out well for your husband.
Dogvills,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I am so glad you enjoyed the tips.
These are great tips . I try to end my day thinking about all the positives in my life.
it is never to late to reinvent yourself. It is important to help others when you can.
Paula,
Amen to that!
You are a wise woman Holly, particularly for your willingness to share your wisdom.
Linda,
Thank you so much. Coming from someone who has “reinvented” herself many times, that means alot.
Thanks, Holly for sharing this story. You had a Summer of Love—just not the one you planned.When your husband unexpectedly got sick, you stepped up gave of your whole heart and I’m sure that experience alone helped you find gratitude in the simplest of things. I believe we get what we ask for—but just not in the form we expect it to come. I hope you both get to have a relaxing, joy-filled end of summer/beginning of fall. Love, Wendi
‘
Wendi,
Thank you so much for your comments. You gave me a totally different perspective on our “Summer of Love”!
I appreciate your support so much.
This post is so true it hurst.
David,
I am so glad you can relate to it. We are all in the same boat.
I have major anxiety. Getting out in nature and spending family time off line helps me decompress.
Heather,
We live in a big city so I feel the same way about being in Nature. I also like the idea of getting “offline” because I often feel bombarded by the computer, cell phone, TV etc. I wish you all the best.
I need to follow your path. So many great things to do and remember each day. I am focusing on leaving the negative out of my life.
Censie,
I am glad you enjoyed this post. I made small changes, especially around leaving the negative behind. Letting things or people go often leaves room for more positive additions to our lives.
Your thoughts are a great reality check. Life interrupts plans that we make. Still we all can find the joy in the smallest moments. Sometimes it can even be the five minutes of silence in a chaotic day. Thanks for the positive reminders.
Crisitne,
Thanks for the comments I so appreciate them. I agree even 5 minutes can help.
Oops I meant to type Cristine!!
I love the uplighting messages. I have been in a bit of a funk lately, and your simple tips have given me a moment or two to think about what I can do to lift myself out of this funk. Thank you!
Stephanie,
I am so glad you found inspiration in this post. I can totally relate to “being in a funk”.
This is one of my favorite quotes:
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha
I hope it inspires you too.
You are so wise and brave to take care of yourself during this difficult time. God has a plan for you. breathing in the fresh air is all you need for keep calm and relaxed , i find a space in our house that i relaxed for an hours very quiet and comfortable.
Victoria,
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Glad you are able to find space to relax and rewind.
It is good that your husband is still here. I like the tips you shared to help people on their road to renewal. Sometimes our great and wonderful plans get derailed and it is good when we can find a way back from it all.
Janeane,
I am thankful my husband is here too! I don’t know what life would be like without him.
Thank you for your comments.
Wishing you the best
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