The Games of Thrones Season 5 premiere was back on HBO this past Sunday night and Lily is recapping episode 1 for you!
Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers.
Very little left out as nothing is insignificant within the Order Of The Dork.
A new episode of Game of Thrones. Thank you HBO for not taking any longer.
Two young girls, one blonde and one brunette are walking in a foreboding forest. I wonder if they are new characters or two bit players whose deaths will segue into an unexpected reveal. I’m tense, White Walkers may be about. It’s also the perfect setting for Ramsay Bolton to jump out and torture one or both of the girls. The brunette is wary and wanting to turn back. She warns the blonde that her father may find out. As the blond girl smarmily reassures her unconvinced friend, “you don’t need to be afraid of my father,” I realize it is a young Cersei Lannister and her companion (Melara Hetherspoon) is smart to fear Cersei’s father. They approach an intimidating looking hut that could only belong to a witch. The girls enter and while glancing around the witchy abode, a caged rat causes Melara to scream revealing witch Maggy who had been asleep in the dark corner.
Maggy orders the girls out, but Cersei is fearless. She accuses witch Maggy that she is not terrifying, she is supposed to have cat teeth and three eyes. Cersei commands Maggy to tell her future or she will have her boring eyes gouged out of her head. Maggy hands an athame to Cersei, casually asking for a taste of her blood. I wonder if something goes wrong, will Cersei’s childhood friend end up going the way of the butcher’s boy. Without hesitation, Cersei cuts her thumb and Maggy grabs it to her mouth tasting Cersei’s blood. Maggy gives three questions to Cersei but warns her she won’t like the answers.
Cersei says she has been promised to the prince and wants to know when they will wed. Maggy informs Cersei that she will not marry the prince. Instead, Cersei will be wife to the king. Cersei wants assurance she will become the queen. Maggy tells her that she will indeed be queen… for a time. Maggy foretells that a younger and more beautiful woman will cast her down and take away all that she holds dear. Cersei’s third and last question is if she and the king will have children. Maggy tells her the king will have twenty and she will have three. This confuses young Cersei, who has not yet developed that “special” feeling for her twin brother. Maggy continues that “gold will be their crowns, and gold, their shrouds” then breaks into a satisfying witchy laugh.
Cersei is reflecting back upon this almost completed prophesy, as she arrives in carriage to attend her father Tywin’s funeral. Insisting upon time alone, Cersei passes the line of mourners and glances up at the younger and more beautiful QueenToBe, Margaery.
Inside, Cersei finds Jaime guarding the body of their dead father. The stones placed upon Tywin’s face give the impression that his eyes are really open vs. Joffrey’s, which made him look as if he was going to meet his seven gods as a cartoon. Cersei begins to berate Jaime. The unending hatred for her little brother, Tyrion, boils as she refers to him as monster and wants to know if Jaime set him free. She mocks Jaime as a man of action never minding the consequences. Smathering the guilt on thicker, she tells him their father loved him more than anything else in the world. Sad cello music plays as Cersei kisses her father’s head for the last time and departs the room.
What has happened to Lancel? He has been re-educated or has joined a cult. His dark golden locks are shorn, he is barefoot and dressed in a dull robe with a plunging neckline. Lancel offers his condolences to former lover, cousin Cersei. Lancel seems to have acquired inner peace as a member of the Sparrows. He asks forgiveness from Cersei for their unnatural relations and the drugging of her King husband’s wine. In true Cersei style, she belittles Lancel and denies any knowledge of drugged wine on the day of the boar hunt.
Tyrwin’s death has Loras feeling liberated enough to bring new lover Olyvar into his chambers. He knows that with death of Tyrwin, Cersei will drop the marriage that was to be forced upon them.
Tyrion has been hidden in the crate the entire time we have been waiting for season five! Varys finally releases him when they arrive in Pentos. Tyrion is displeased, depressed and drunk. Varys reveals to Tyrion that he once was part of a secret sect who hoped to restore the Targaryan throne. Tyrion ignores Varys and wonders aloud if one is a still a Lord after killing one’s father. Tyrion upchucks his wine and without hesitation pours himself another goblet. It is later when Varys approaches Tyrion and they throw respectful barbs at each other. Tyrion wonders why Varys risked so much to save his life. Varys admits that, other than it being a favor for the Kingslayer, he did it for the Seven Kingdoms. Varys desires a peaceful kingdom, a land where the powerful do not prey upon the powerless. He convinces Tyrion to travel to Mereen to meet Daenerys and see if the world is worth fighting for.
Yes! We are in the land of Daenerys! In Mereen, an Unsullied oversees the removal of a large gold harpy from atop a tremendously high pyramid. After this hard day of work, the soldier takes a stroll down brothel lane and chooses his regular. Will this answer the question if the Unsullied masters take both the pillar and the stones? Nope, it still leaves room for doubt. Though, the Unsullied doesn’t want sex. He wants to cuddle and be sung to as the prostitute rubs his head. While the traitorous bitch allows the soldier to relax, his throat is suddenly sliced open by a Son of The Harpy.
Dany is furious over the murder of the Unsullied soldier, whose name is White Rat. She orders Grey Worm to find those responsible and calls for White Rat to be buried with honor in the Temple of the Graces.
There is hope in Missandei’s eyes as she approaches Grey Worm and enquires why an Unsullied would visit a brothel. Grey Worm ponders for a moment and answers that he does not know. I guess this gives us the final answer to the pillar and stones question. Alas for Missandie and Grey Worm. Le sigh, there shall be no coupling between the two.
Hizdar speaks to Daenerys. He tells her the Masters of Yunkai will turn over their power to a council of slaves and former slave owners. The Masters have asked that Daenerys allow the reopening of the fighting pits in which slaves were used as entertainment while they fought to the death. Hizdar explains that now it would be free men fighting each other to the death. Daenerys is firm in her denial.
In her private chambers, Daenerys is having an intimate revel with Second Rate Daario. I still mourn the leaving of first hunky with muscle Daario. Second Rate Daario wants Dany to reopen the fighting pits as he wouldn’t be where he is today without being the successful pit fighter he was. Second Rate Daario warns Dany that she has made thousands of enemies so she must now show her strength. He tells Dany she is not the Mother of The Unsullied, she is the Mother of Dragons. Afterwards, Daenerys makes an attempt to visit her two chained dragons. But, they are the not the bundles of cuteness they once were and she flees from their tunnels.
At Castle Black, Gilly is worried about being sent away under the new Lord Commander. Sam promises that he will go where she goes until Gilly reminds silly Sam that he would be executed for leaving. Jon Snow is training a young member of The Wall, when the scary red woman, Melisandre, appears to bring Jon before the King Stannis. On, the way, Melisandre unexpectedly asks Jon if he is a virgin. I wonder if his answer of “no” works in his favor or just requires a different spell.
Stannis Baratheon wishes the Free Folk Wildlings to join his army. Mance, the Leader of The Free Folk, faces burning unless he kneels and swears allegiance. Stannis asks Jon to convince Mance to bend his knee by nightfall.
Back in the Vale, poor 13yo breastfed Robin finds himself being trained in the art of combat. Lord Yohn Royce has agreed to take Robin as his ward. No more ‘making people fly’ for Robin. Lord Baelish and Sansa look on as Robin cries and fumbles while taking a beating from his young sparring partner. Baelish receives a message and Sansa is still sporting her new hair color. On the road, Sansa asks why they are not going to the Fingers as Baelish told Lord Royce. Baelish reassures Sansa that he is taking her far away where Cersei Lannister cannot harm her.
Brienne is out in a field doing her best to ditch Podrick. He does not want to leave her. As they are talking, they are unaware that the passing group of travelers includes Sansa and Baelish.
The closing scene takes place at The Wall. Jon does his best to get Mance to fight for Stannis. Jon urges him to think of the Free Folk and bend his knee. Mance’s face looks stunned as Jon warns him he will be burned alive. Mance he does not wish to be remembered scorched and screaming, but feels it’s better than betraying everything in which he believes. Jon tries one last time telling Mance he’s making a terrible mistake. Mance replies that the freedom to make his own mistakes was all he ever wanted.
Mance is immediately taken into the night where Stannis awaits by a pyre surrounded with onlookers. Mance refuses to kneel but wishes Stannis good fortune in the wars to come. That’s not good enough for Stannis, so off to the stake Mance goes. Scary red woman is there to light the fire and put the fear of the God of Light into the Free Folk. Mance is stoic. As his clothes begin to smoke and the heat spreads up his body, he resists crying out. Stannis’s daughter, Shireen, turns away as mother, Selyse, glows with religious glee. Just as Mance can no longer hold onto the dignity of silence, an arrow pierces his chest. It is revealed to be Jon Snow granting Mance a merciful death. The scary red woman is going to be really pissed.
Only two deaths and one funeral. A rather calm but informative episode.
Lily Doe has written for ImperfectWomen.com since 2009. She has never been shy about sharing her opinion and enjoys writing on a variety of topics. Her life’s focus is sharing good times with family and friends.