*This post was originally posted in June of 2011.
Father’s Day is *June 19th and each year when I become aware that this day is approaching, I reflect and remember things about the fathers that I have had a close relationship with in my life. I have had the good fortune to love and be loved by, admire and respect a “few good men” and I am thankful for that.
My father, the one that gave me life, by all accounts passed down over the years, was a loving husband, father and friend. I can only rely on the recollections and memories of others because I have none of my own. My father passed away suddenly six months before I was born leaving a pregnant wife and three children all under the age of five.
Fortunately for my brothers and sister and I, my mom took and saved some good pictures of him. Over the years I have spent hours staring at them hopeful that I would learn something new and revealing about him that someone might have forgotten to pass on. I so wished that they would have had video.
I do know that my father had a pretty rough row to hoe when he was young. He along with his six siblings were placed in a Catholic orphanage at a young age due to their mother’s failing health. When they entered 8th grade they were placed in homes separated a great distance away from their other siblings. Unfortunately, my father was placed with a family on a farm that treated him very poorly and as if he was hired help…without the pay. When he reached the age of 18, he packed up the few belongings that he had and walked out the front door and never looked back.
Because he had a great work ethic and was just a real likeable person, he was offered a job in the local cheese factory and started to secure his financial future so he could marry my mother. After they married he was able to find an even better job and my mother and father were on their way to having four children and what they had hoped, would be a happy future. But sadly that was not to be because my father died suddenly from a massive heart attack (genetic condition) at the age of 29.
Enter the man I call Dad. He was my father’s best friend, co-worker and the unfortunate person that found my father when he collapsed and died at work in 1955. He took the burden upon his shoulders for the next several years of making sure a young, widowed 27 year old woman and her four children were provided for in the way that his best friend would have wanted. A funny thing happened along the way and he just happened to fall in love with this woman and her four kids. At the age of 35, my Dad married for the first time and acquired an automatic family of six! What was he thinking?!!
Well I am glad he wasn’t thinking because there are just no words to express how I feel about my Dad. He is just a wonderful man. He was always a good provider for our family and at times worked other jobs to supplement his main income. Even though he worked long days in the farming industry, he would find the time to take us fishing, hunting, swimming or on picnics and other family outings and attend our school activities. In the winter he would work hours constructing an ice skating pond in our own yard, taking us tobogganing at the local state park or teaching us how to make Christmas decorations in his workshop.
When I was 7, my younger brother was born, and our family was complete. Although he was my Dad’s only biological child, he was never treated any different. I will never forget the time shortly after my brother was born, when the town “rich kid and bully” taunted my sister and I and told us that my younger brother was not really our brother (he was also the kid that told us there was no Santa Claus!). He was our “half” brother. In our mind that was a bad word and being a 7 year old I couldn’t quite figure out which “half” was ours. Technically he was right…but tell that to two young sisters who have a brand spanking new baby brother in the house and you will get two hysterical sisters that ran home crying to their mother. My Dad does not get mad and he does not have a temper but he was angry after my mother talked to him that night. Red in the face, angry. After supper, he made a visit to the town bully’s home and had a chat with his parents. I don’t know what was said but I do know we were never taunted again.
That also reminds me of the time when Dad was hospitalized several years ago and my brother who was in his late 50s was visiting him. The doctor asked my parents how long they had been married and when they said 50 years, he looked at my brother with a puzzled look on his face. It was obvious that my brother was older than 49 or 50. My brother started to explain and the doctor said, “Oh this is your step….”. My Dad silenced him mid sentence and said, “We don’t use those words in our house. All of my children are my children and I am their father.” My mom later told the story with a smile on her face and said my Dad used a bit of a harsh tone with the doctor, which was out of character for my Dad.
My Dad is just a wonderful person….husband, father, grandfather and friend. Did I already mention that? I can’t say it enough. It is evident by the number of family, friends and people in his community that love and respect him. He has lent a hand and assisted many of these people throughout his life and now in his old age they are happy to have the opportunity to return the favor to someone that they care so much about.
I know this post is long but I would not be able to complete my gratitude to “a few good men” without mentioning my husband and the father of my children. My husband had a rough childhood growing up. They were dirt poor and his father had many demons, one of them being his good friend Jack Daniels. In spite of this, he has been a wonderful husband and role model for our sons and a great provider for our family. His family always comes first. Always. He is proof positive that one can overcome emotional baggage and economic disadvantage from childhood and rise above it. He is also the love of my life.
So in this day and age when we are constantly bombarded with depressing stories about deadbeat dads and men who lack character, I feel very fortunate and blessed for the “few good men” that have loved me unconditionally and guided, provided for and nourished me as well as my children along our way.
How about you? Do you have a few things you would like to share about a special father in your life?
Pam Buttikofer is a co-founder of Imperfect Women. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband of 38 years and enjoys spending time with her husband, sons and her lovable pups.
Goose bumps, Pam. Thank you…THANK YOU for sharing!
If you’re familiar w. the writings of an era such as John O’Hara & John Steinbeck…they authored the genre of father/s in my life. “Children were to be seen…not heard” in my world.
Thanks HB! I had so much more to say but that would make for a very long boring post.
Pam,
As I reflect on my own Father this week, I can tell you for sure how much I miss him. He was a quiet man who went to work to provide for the large family he had. He never complained, tended a huge garden with my Mother after working in a factory all day, cold in the winter, hot in the summer as a tool and dye maker. He had large hands, but could make a tiny piece of equipment to fit a special machine. He so enjoyed his Grandchildren, making special carmel corn at Christmas, as his parents ran a bakery for years. He passed on a work ethic to all of his children, and said be kind to others as the rewards come back to you. I’m sure we all could write a book on our Fathers, the struggles and hopes for their families, but as this weekend approches I just want my Father to know how much he was loved and is missed.
A few good men!! If only this generation knew what it was like to spend so much family time together. The old days are my favorite. This weekend our children will be here. Packing the picnic basket and headed to the farm where their roots started. We call them farm work weekends, but usually the hose is out for a water fight, 4 wheeling down the road, still climbing up to the hay mound, and checking out the newly planted crops. Ahh, life is good, but I miss having my Father here to share the moments.
Happy Fathers Day to All Dad’s!!!!
Beautiful Pam. I too, lost my father at the young age of 2, from a massive heart attack at the age of 36. My mother was the young widow with two daughters when she met the man who would really be my dad. They never had children together nor did he have other kids, but he called me his little girl.
How fortunate we are to have had a father who did everything with us..taught us how to fish and how to drive, and bought me my first car.
I also was fortunate to have a great husband and father to our kids. My husband and I would talk about the day we could retire and spoil grandkids..he couldn’t wait. It was not to be. My husband passed away too young, and shortly after my mother passed away. But, I still have my dad who despite being in his 80’s drives 500 miles in one day to my house to fix my hot water heater. How blessed I am!
Wonderful Pam, thank the heavens for the good men we have been blessed with in our lives.
Pam,
Great Article I really enjoyed it. When I think of Dad I often think of the phrases from “Thats God” by Jo Dee Messina.
Have you ever known a love that opens up your heart,
Selfless and encouraging to help you reach the stars,
Patient and forgiving and accepts you as you are?
To my Dad, A Man who made a difference by just being who he is – a wonderful man, husband, father & grandfather. Happy Father’s Day, I just can not say enough.
Oh, Pam, I’m wiping away tears. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.
Pam,
Just beautiful. My Father was a man who took his job as a Father very seriously too. His Father died when my Dad was 16 and he worked at the Post Office before school at a Defense Plant after school to support his Mom and Sister while his Brother was in the Army. My Dad died 13 years ago and I miss him every day.
My husband did not have a good role model for Fatherhood either! He had a very dysfunctional alcoholic Father who abandoned his family when my Husband was 16 and took all the money with him! In spite of that my Husband is a fantastic and loving Father. Nothing is more important to him than being a parent. We need to really celebrate these men because they are the real “role models”.
Pam, your story is really going to touch people.
Pam, your story is really going to touch people.~Holly
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I agree. I came back over to read it again and again I am teary eyed.
Pam . : Great article!! Your Dad is such a sweetheart and for that matter so is your Husband!!! You are such a good writer, take after your Father!! Brought tears to my eyes. I wish I had those sentiments about my own Father but alas I can’t. However I married a lovely man who has been a great Father to our Kids and Grandson. Happy Father’s Dad.
Pam,
I really want to add that I enjoyed your story so much, but got caught up in the moment in remembering my Father. It’s a tear jerker for sure.:)
Thanks Snickers and everyone for the nice comments. Snicker that is what I wanted to do….have people talk about the Fathers in all of your lives. I love reading these comments and I have read them all several times.
Snickers, I think our background is a lot alike and your Dad sounds a lot like my own. Isn’t it wonderful to have such great memories of family time? I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Let us know how it went. That sounds like my kind of weekend.
Regina is my sister and pictured here with me in the photos. We both feel the same about both of our parents and I could go on and on about my mom also. Thanks Regina for that phrase.
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Pam, Thank you! You are married to a lovely man! He is one of the best.
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Lily, I know this year, Father’s Day must be especially hard for you. Hang in there and you are in my thoughts.
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Sage, sounds like you had a similar experience to me. We seem to have a lot in common.
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Thanks Teresa for the kind words. Holly, I know you have a keeper too. 🙂
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Thanks for sharing everyone!
Pam, you and your sister look so cute w/the identical curly hair. Thank you for your thoughts.
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I am enjoying reading about everyone’s dad and husbands. LOL, I did not fair too well in the husband department, but I lucked out when it came to fathers. Like many of the fathers I have read about above, he was the same. A man’s man, a man of his generation who took pride in his work and providing for his family. And, he was just so damn funny. He was released from the suffering of alzheimer’s not too long ago and I will continue to miss him.
Pam, I do wish you had some video of your father. I am glad your mother had the pictures. I feel so blessed to have all the movies we took over the years. I have several of my father playing the guitar. It was always the background music in the house until he was too sick to play. It’s so nice to still be able to listen/see him playing.
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Sage, it’s coincidental that your story is similar to Pam’s. In either case I can’t imagine being such a young widow with children to tend. What a blessing your dads were in your life.
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To all the good men! Cheers!
Wow Pam, what a powerful article. You are a lucky women to have such wonderful men in your life. And they are lucky to have you too.
but you know me…
I’m just sayin’ 🙂
Pam, what a beautiful story. How lucky you are to have had two wonderful fathers. It is such a pity that after your biological father had such a rough up-bringing he didn’t get to know the joy of raising his children. i really can’t say much about my dad,alcohol consumed his life,but my husband is a wonderful and loving father who would do anything for his kids and grandkids.
I talked to my dad around 11:30 a.m. on April 3rd, 2008. An hour later he was taken away from me by a heart attack. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, miss him and shed tears over him. Now if HE knew that he would say “Live your life, Squirt and quit dwelling on me. I’m in a much better place than you are and I will see you again.” LOL LOL A beautiful story Pam. Here’s to all the good men,good fathers and the wonderful people touched by them.
Thanks for the beautiful story Pam, your Dad sounds like an exceptional guy. You made the comment that if you wrote a longer story it might have been boring….I don’t think so…I enjoyed every word.
I was the youngest in a large family and my dad was nearly 50 when I was born…but one would never know it. He took after his own mother and thought age was merely a number. After he left the Navy as a pilot, he worked his tail off in sales to support 7 of us. He didn’t retire until he was past 70 and decided to go back to college afterward for the heck of it…he was the oldest student at a fairly large university and loved it. That was my dad -always looking for something positive to do. I’m in tears right now missing him. He passed away 5 years ago and there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of him. He was so caring and supportive. I could have robbed a bank and he would have blamed the teller. It sounds like a horribly indulgent POV for a parent to have towards their kids, but he respected my common sense practical mother’s take on things and she would have set him straight. LOL He had an endless belief that his children would do the right thing…and because of our respect for him, instead of it making us lazy and full of excuses it made us want to live up to his POV of us. I wish I would have realized at a younger age how lucky I was to have him as a father. I hope I told him that….I hope he knew we felt that way about him…
Kmom2…I didn’t see your post until after I posted mine….I like what your dad would have to say. 🙂
Thanks DryIce. Your dad sounds so great! We are a very close family. I have always been very close to my parents. My dad was gone so suddenly but that’s the way he alway said he wanted to go. I made sure I kissed him and told him I loved him everytime before I left their house. I have said since he passed that there were things left undone because of his sudden passing, but there was nothing left unsaid. I loved him and I know he loved me. You can’t ask for more than that.
Pam, thanks for your wonderful, thought provoking story. I tend to forget my rich heritage and this is a great reminder.
We celebrated by father’s 90th birthday in March. He’s been a Pastor almost 60 years. We had a party at our church and invited people from past churches throughout the years. Some of them spoke and gave testimony of how he helped save their marriages and other meaningful stories. It was truly touching. I don’t know how many weddings he did, but it’s in the hundreds. He recently officiated at my nieces wedding.
He has always been known for starting his sermons with a funny story. I’ll never forget one Sunday in the 1980’s. His sermon was serious and he didn’t want to start it with a joke. He said “There was this man” and the whole congregation burst out laughing. He jumped right in on a story and no one knew.
Now he disciples you men and preaches when the senior pastor is away. He sits on a stool as he can’t stand for a long period of time. His mind is sharp. People are always telling me how much they love him.
I don’t know how much longer we’ll have him, but I’m grateful for present as long as it lasts.
I am so touched by Pam’s stories and the others you all have shared.
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As for my own father, I don’t unfortunately have as many great stories to share. He wasn’t able to overcome some of those demons that the men in your lives were. That is ok, however. He tried his best. He was extremely intelligent. He had a lot of great traits actually that were sometimes overshadowed by some of his less superior ones. Or maybe it was how I perceived things.
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Towards the end of his life when we would finish up a phone conversation and I would tell him I loved him, he always got quiet and shy. Like he was embarrassed. Then he would say forcefully and with conviction, “I love you too.” I treasure those words from him.
Pam-i just have no words right now. Thank you!
My heart is full reading through here. I love the beautiful relationships you guys shared about your dads, and for those who struggled, I also appreciate the kindness and respect you convey despite your dads’ imperfections.
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I also have a wonderful father who was very present in our lives growing up and still is. Bright, athletic, and gentle, he still writes my mom poetry on their anniversary, mushy stuff, and makes us all listen as he reads it! Like Pam’s dad (and Sage’s!) he also took on a family on marrying my mom, as she was raising two of her own younger brothers on her own. They have always put family harmony at the top of their wish list for every holiday and birthday, and they always get their wish. This year they celebrated 53 years of married life, have 8 children, 7 sons- and daughters-in-law, 22 grand children, + 2 more grand-daughters-in-law. Most will be vacationing at the shore together very soon, and Pop will supply us all with morning donuts. 🙂
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I also want to applaud my husband and brothers and brothers-in-law. My own son is very lucky to have so many excellent role models for what a husband and father should be.
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I read once that a father’s job on earth is to convey the love of Our Father in Heaven to us. If that is true, Pop has done his duty very well, indeed.
Beautiful, thanks for sharing such a personal story, your mom was very fortunate as well.
Ann, you melted my heart w. your last paragraph. I’d like to think that may be said of the man I married…!
I just wanted to add, these were or still our Father’s, good or bad, we love them. I am thankful for a strong man here who has set the goals higher for our children to work and give back. A few years ago he was struck with cancer and has had to change his whole life. His first words when hearing the news was “It is what it is”. I will spend everyday doing what I like to do, and if the Lord see’s fit, I’ll hang around for awhile. He’s still hanging. 🙂
Snickers, I so admire people who handle their illnesses with courage.
I’m glad he’s still hanging.
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I asked my husband to answer the poll on the side for Father’s Day and he said he wants “sports equipment.” He has EVERYTHING! What more could he want? I was so surprised when he answered, “a canoe.” I think we may be getting a canoe soon. 🙂 Pam, didn’t your Dad take you canoeing too?
What a great attitude to have, snickers. Glad he is still hanging.
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Great real life stories here about our “few good men.” I have loved reading every one of them and have read them more than once.
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We should all put together a book……now that would be a good read. And I bet there would be such great sayings like “live your life squirt” .
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Dry Ice, your Dad sounds remarkable as does Debbie’s. I know there would be a lot of good “stuff” there to write about. I have heard some about Ann’s Dad too. Another family with some great history. Why don’t we hear about this more in the news?
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Kmom2, I am making sure that nothing is left unsaid also..
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Nice !
Great Article!!!!! Thanks
OMG what a beautiful man your Father is. I can see why you are very proud to call him Dad!
Awww Pam your post brought tears to my eyes because your ‘dad’ is a very special man. Not very many man would have taken on that responsibility and he did it with pride and honor. My own dad passed away a few years ago and I still miss him to this day. Nothing and no-one can ever replace the man you call father and he’s right, he’s not a stepfather, he’s a father in every since of the word. Happy Fathers Day to him!
He sounds like an amazing man. My husband is my boys step-dad and he treats them like his own.
There are many dads who don’t get enough credit. Your dad is one of them. I don’t consider half or step anything less than actual family members.
Your dad sounds great,it is so nice that you were all looked after and protected by him.Fathers really do not get enough credit most of the time.
Sadly, I don’t but I am always happy to see and hear stories of dads that are actually awesome. These need to be heard more.
Your father sounds like an incredible man! Although there is a few amazing ones out there I’m noticing they are few and far between. This is lovely to read.
That’s an incredible story! What a great man you had to call dad.
This is such a sweet tribute to your father and your husband. I know I miss my dad dearly.
What a beautiful tribute to the men you were lucky enough to call fathers. Happy Father’s Day to all the good men out there!
Nice story. My dad was the best too. Makes me miss him thinking about what a good person he was.
My dad passed away last December, so this is going to be my first Father’s Day without it. It will be a great time to reflect on how much he taught me and how much he did for me over the years.
That is great that you have these wonderful memories. My father really was never part of my life, my parents divorced when I was 10 he remarried and went on with his new life. I tried many times to have a relationship with him but he did not want it. He passed away in January taking it to the grave. I wish it turned out differently.
Good dads are hard to come by. I love this post. You are definitely blessed.
My dad is the most important person in my life, even today as I am grown with my own children. I love him for all he has done for me and my family.
I don’t know my dad for very long, but I am pretty sure I got my strong work ethic from him. His wiry sense of humor too. I really enjoyed reading the stories about the special dads in your life!
I’m thankful for my dad. A great post that any dad would love.
My dad is an amazing man.He has always been the perfect balance of fun and discipline and love in my life and now with my kids.
My husband is the best dad ever. He reminds me of my own dad in so many ways. They are very much alike and I think thats why they get along so well.
What a wonderful story about your father’s best friend, who became your dad. 🙂 Sounds like you and your family were very lucky.
What beautiful sentiments you have about your father. Thank you for sharing them with us.
I loved reading this post with such a fabulous story. You have a wonderful family & you are very lucky to have a lovely father like him. Thanks a lot for sharing this with us.
I love that you have pictures of your father. I wish I took more of my older son’s father. He died before my son was born and unfortunately, I don’t have many pictures.
You are very fortunate to have such awesome men in your life and I loved reading this post. My husband is a pretty special guy too and a great example of a good man.
Pam, I loved rereading this tribute.
Thanks and happy Father’s Day to all the great dads!
My husband and brother in law are good dads.
Wow this is great.
I know some good fathers. My husband is one of them. The rest are my friends’ husbands.
yes! we have to respect our father. they are the key why we are here in this world.