By Nicola Winters
Divorce rates are on the rise and the number of marriages that fail the test of time is soaring. It now appears that more couples are separating than staying together, however that doesn’t mean that at the first sight of trouble we should all throw the towel in.
Divorce is, sometimes, the only option for some couples. Unfortunately there is nothing else that can be done to save the marriage and the relationship. However, before deciding on this drastic measure, here are some tips that can help restore and salvage the relationship:
Prioritizing between work, social and home commitments can be an extremely difficult task for any individual. Many couples split simply because they failed to spend quality time with each other.
At the beginning of any relationship we ensure that we spend as much time with each other as possible, making arrangements, trips and days out are a regular thing. However, after the initial stages, work, family and friends all seem to get in the way. It may be worth arranging a visit to one of the places you remember you both enjoyed. It may be a holiday destination, a restaurant or a bar. By re-visiting these places you are compelled to talk about your memories of that place and that day; happy memories. It may be that all you need is to escape the stress of everyday life every now and again to fully appreciate each other.
If this doesn’t work then it may be worth trying a trial separation. Everybody needs time alone and a little space every now and again. By being alone, you are able to clear your thoughts, make realistic plans for the future and decide exactly where your priorities lie without the added of pressure of outside distractions. If home life is proving a tense experience, this will be the perfect way to review the state of the relationship.
Many couples refuse to visit marriage counselors and mediation groups. There is a common misconception that these counselors are unqualified and unnecessary professionals. However, attending such sessions is a great way of off-loading all of your worries and anxieties. By talking to a third party, you are able to fully disclose intimate details of your relationship, something which you would rarely do elsewhere, and uncover the real reasons behind the break down. A marriage counselor can also offer couples different ways of communicating with each other by teaching you both to accept blame, admit faults and deal with guilt. This can make a huge difference to the way you view you both view your marriage.
In relationships and marriages where there is abuse or violence, divorce is definitely the best option. However, if you feel that there is simply a lack of communication, a lack of quality time being spent together or family life is proving too demanding, it may be worth trying to rekindle that time with your spouse. No couple sets out to divorce so why let it happen?
This is a guest post by Nicola Winters, a UK blogger who enjoys writing about sport, art and life in general.
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I will be married 35 years this coming spring and of my five siblings, only one brother has divorced. I heard on the news the other day that the share of all U.S. adults who are married has dropped to a record low 51 percent and will soon loose its majority status.
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The report was released by the Pew Research Center and says that a half a century ago, nearly 60 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds were married. Today, it’s just 20 percent.
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I guess if fewer people are marrying, there will be fewer divorces.
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I have always subscribed to the Ladies Home Journal because one of my favorite things to read is “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” It is always an interesting read and you have to wonder why more people don’t take advantage of marriage counseling.
My first marriage ended in divorce, we were both very young (late teens). After 7 years, I felt I had missed out on living, so I filed for divorce. He was so against it, and begged me not too. But I did. I believe had we (I) been older and wiser, we would still be together. We had two children and remain good friends. I remained single for 8 years and met and married my second husband (16 yrs now). I knew I never wanted to go thru another divorce, so I made sure the second time around was everlasting. I know that my actions with my first husband hurt my children so badly that to this day when talking to them, I accept all the blame. Couples need to look at the whole picture of their marriage not just what’s wrong “today”. It is not all roses, but it’s not always greener on the other side either.
I did read in the article regarding the drop in number of marriages is that the upside is that many of the people are waiting to get married until their 30s and they expect the divorce rate to lower because of it.
Pam, I read the same story but w. a political slant – it’s far easier to co-exist than to co-mingle finances as a married couple. Plus the fact that those who are honestly in line for financial aid would NOT qualify w. a spouse & 2 incomes etc. etc. None of this is NEW. This pops up every time there is a crisis in our economy!
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I am a huge advocate for seeking help…& not just anybody, but as one might do when facing a health crisis & seeking the best medical solutions. Talk can be cheap, but good guidance, priceless. I agree Nicola – a 3rd & impartial ear is often the pathway to problem solving. Tho’ I’m not big on self-help books when it comes to marriage…or for that matter, dealing w. vital children’s issues.
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;0) Like you Pam…I’ve been married a good long time. Wouldn’t trade this life…warts & all! We’re in our 49th year & thank heaven, we both think we haven’t changed a bit.
HB and Pam,
Congrats on the many happy years! I do know people who divorce for other reasons besides just not getting along. Does the word medical bills and assets ring bells to anyone? If you can’t afford the insurance anymore, even people in nursing homes are being advised to divorce to save the home for the spouse that is living. Messed up world we are living in. I am involved with a cancer center who is trying their best to help people with bills, but they will have you sign your home over to the state if everything else is gone to continue to treat cancer. Wrong on so many levels.
I agree, marriage counseling works for young people, the stress of doing it all comes to a head once in awhile.
I too was sentenced oops I mean married almost 3 decades….not that I am counting.
Stu,
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Have you taken our latest poll yet?
Stu,
You must have a wonderful wife to put up with you for 29 years!!!!!!!!
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.
Separation is one of the good thing than divorce as it’s a kind of chance which was given to both the people and they have also the choice to change their decisions not to get divorced.