By Jennie
Humanitarian/floor-waxer Chris Brown took a break from ruining the lives of himself and others and totaled his car Saturday. But wait! It wasn’t Chris’ fault! (It never is.) Rihanna the paparazzi made him do it.
Thank goodness, Brown was pronounced “okay” by one of his lackeys, and went on to attend a charity event. Because if it’s one thing you think of when you think “Chris Brown”, it’s immature self-aggrandizing violent poor impulse control charity.
In other news of celebrities who are total screw-ups, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly living with her mother at the Lohan family manse on Lawn Guyland (I believe that’s what it’s called), NY. Reports indicate that Lindsay moved home in order to help her family pay the mortgage on Chez Lohan (which is weird, ‘cause I thought Lindz was broke herself), and presumably to soak up the maternal wisdom of parent Dina Lohan. This should end well.
Film critic Rex Reed, who is apparently not dead but also not at all relevant, given that I probably haven’t heard his name mentioned in a decade, is drawing heat for jabs at actress Melissa McCarthy. In his review of her new film “Identity Theft”, Reed calls McCarthy “tractor-sized” and “a female hippo” (better than a male hippo, I guess?), and references her career as being dependent on “being obese and obnoxious with equal success.” The last point is the only one, I think, that has any actual, possibly valid criticism to it (Reed is, supposedly, a film critic, not an actress insulter). Defenders of McCarthy leapt into the fray, with McCarthy’s “Bridesmaids” director Paul Feig making a suggestion to Reed that I would blush to convey to my gentle readers; suffice to say that it is anatomically improbable. Good for McCarthy’s friends for having her back, and perhaps Reed can return to living under whatever rock he’s been occupying since the turn of the century.
Pretty princess Taylor Swift dissed her last boyfriend, One Direction’s Harry Styles, during a performance at the Grammys. While singing her hit song “We are Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together” Taylor affected a Brit accent during the “talk” interlude in the middle of the song (oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about; it’s a ridiculously catchy song). So it’s come to this; Tay-tay is cycling through boyfriends so quickly that she has to recycle her songs (or “repurpose” them, I guess you could say) in order to burn her exes. Remember, “We are Never Ever (repeat 1000x) Getting Back Together” was supposedly written about Jake Gyllenhaal. Poor little Harry Styles; doesn’t even get his own song. Sniff.
Until next time!
Jennie has contributed to Imperfect Women since its inception in 2009. She writes about politics, celebrity news, and anything else that catches her interest.
My Mom taught me if I can’t say anything nice, not to say anything at all. Seems Mr. Reed’s mom neglected that lesson. You can be a critic without personal attacks. Because of what my Mom taught me, I shall refrain from commenting about Chris Brown. He frankly isn’t worth my typing skills….whoops! I violated Mom’s rule!
Poor Lindsey….will she ever grow up and get it together???? Taylor Swift…I dunno, kiddo. Maybe a new direction???
His job is to critique her ability to act or her acting in this particular movie. I have no problem with him mentioning her weight if he feels it impacted her ability to pull off this character but he crossed the line. It is obvious that Reed is old school and came from a time where all actresses were from the same mold.
I wonder if he feels the same way about John Goodman?
As far as being “obnoxious”, she is a comedic actress. Kind of goes with the territory. But I also don’t have a problem with his criticism on that part.
He should draw heat. Criticize her performance not her weight.
First of all Taylor Swift needs to stop telling on her boyfriends 😉 She is starting to look crazy. I did think it was pretty funny tho!
I agree, criticize her performance not her size.
Lindsay is still with the Jon Gosselin attorney. I guess she didn’t listen to me 🙁
When ever I see/hear Chris Brown mentioned I put my fingers in my ears and say “la la la la la” till he goes away. I works really well.
Great job Jennie!
Common sense is gone in today’s world.
Lindsey, too many chances, trainwreck done by herself. Blame the court system for letting her off over and over.
Chris Brown, why do people support him?
Poor Taylor, wouldn’t want my son to even look at her, the song could become “Evil Eye from the Crowd”.
Rex Reed, old schooled, out of touch. We are all not made the same size. Looks like he could use a little makeover.) O
I’m a bit of a TSwift defender, and have decided that she’s just trolling us all by constantly writing about her boyfriends. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Reed’s contempt for Melissa McCarthy based apparently solely on her weight is really ugly. I expect there to be a certain level of fat-shaming in the public discourse, but even given that, his comments were way hostile.
(I’m reminded of what apparently has become a controversy since Sunday’s episode of “Girls” – star Lena Dunham is shown hooking up with Patrick Wilson, and there’s been a lot of backlash stating that someone who looks like her couldn’t get a guy as hot as Wilson. Also, people complaining because Dunham apparently was nude or at least topless in a lot of the episode, and people apparently don’t want to see her not-perfect boobs and her not-flat stomach, and can’t find their remotes in order to turn the channel. I don’t watch “Girls”, but I find it interesting that people are so damn offended by Dunham’s apparent confidence in her imperfect body.)
“Humanitarian/floor-waxer Chris Brown” – 🙂
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No matter what size she is Melissa McCarthy rocks. That Is All.
Love the snark, Jennie. I confess I absolutely love when TS’s Never Ever Ever comes on the radio. At least I know what the words were. She went through 2 Kennedy cousins between Jake and the 1D guy. Did the other guys get songs too?
I am so over Taylor Swift. If she’s not careful she’s going to end up alone because no one is going to want to touch her for fear that she will write a nasty song about them.
Melissa McCarthy is hilarious, in my opinion. Rex Reed can suck it.
Ann, John Mayer got a song, I believe. I can’t remember if some of the others did. Probably…
Jennie,
Life has been so crazy busy lately, that I haven’t been on this site in some time. Thanks for the laugh. Yes, I thought Rex Reed was dead :), and Taylor’s songs stick in your head whether you want them to or not.
I really liked this article. It was funny and truthful.
I agree with Pie. Taylor is beginning to seem crazy when it comes to men. She needs to date but not fall in love.
Hello Ladies,
I’ve decided to join your wonderful site. First of all, Rex Reed. Has he looked in the mirror himself.The man has always been nasty.
Taylor Swift, oh boy where do I start.She was raised thinking she’s a princess and was told she can do no wrong.My advice to any guy, and she likes them young, is to make her sign a contract not to write about them.Imagine dating her for about a week and then see she bought a house next door. Hide your bunnies.She needs to grow up and stop writing songs that make her seem like she’s a 13y/o kid.
So funny Jennie…TS recycling and repurposing her songs! LOL and “Reed can return to living under whatever rock he’s been occupying since the turn of the century”…Hysterical and So True!
I have to say that I’m sick of Taylor Swift’s. I sometimes think she only dates to make her next “hit” song off the guy she is with. Plus, it’s quite rude of her to make these men feel like complete fools. The only one who is the fool is her for using them. I hope the poor guys she has dated realize they’re worth way more then her mean songs about them.
As for Melissa, she is an amazing woman and beyond talented. I don’t care what size she is. She is such a sweetheart and doesn’t deserve to be treated like dirt.
That is the problem with our world today. The bullying needs to stop.
Thanks for your article!! =)
Well, if the shoe fits. Some people simply state the obvious.