Humanitarian/floor-waxer Chris Brown took a break from ruining the lives of himself and others and totaled his car Saturday. But wait! It wasn’t Chris’ fault! (It never is.)
Rihanna the paparazzi made him do it.
Thank goodness, Brown was pronounced “okay” by one of his lackeys, and went on to attend a charity event. Because if it’s one thing you think of when you think “Chris Brown”, it’s
immature self-aggrandizing violent poor impulse control charity.
In other news of celebrities who are total screw-ups, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly living with her mother at the Lohan family manse on Lawn Guyland (I believe that’s what it’s called), NY. Reports indicate that Lindsay moved home in order to help her family pay the mortgage on Chez Lohan (which is weird, ‘cause I thought Lindz was broke herself), and presumably to soak up the maternal wisdom of parent Dina Lohan. This should end well.
Film critic Rex Reed, who is apparently not dead but also not at all relevant, given that I probably haven’t heard his name mentioned in a decade, is drawing heat for jabs at actress Melissa McCarthy. In his review of her new film “Identity Theft”, Reed calls McCarthy “tractor-sized” and “a female hippo” (better than a male hippo, I guess?), and references her career as being dependent on “being obese and obnoxious with equal success.” The last point is the only one, I think, that has any actual, possibly valid criticism to it (Reed is, supposedly, a film critic, not an actress insulter). Defenders of McCarthy leapt into the fray, with McCarthy’s “Bridesmaids” director Paul Feig making a suggestion to Reed that I would blush to convey to my gentle readers; suffice to say that it is anatomically improbable. Good for McCarthy’s friends for having her back, and perhaps Reed can return to living under whatever rock he’s been occupying since the turn of the century.
Pretty princess Taylor Swift dissed her last boyfriend, One Direction’s Harry Styles, during a performance at the Grammys. While singing her hit song “We are Never Ever Ever
Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together” Taylor affected a Brit accent during the “talk” interlude in the middle of the song (oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about; it’s a ridiculously catchy song). So it’s come to this; Tay-tay is cycling through boyfriends so quickly that she has to recycle her songs (or “repurpose” them, I guess you could say) in order to burn her exes. Remember, “We are Never Ever (repeat 1000x) Getting Back Together” was supposedly written about Jake Gyllenhaal. Poor little Harry Styles; doesn’t even get his own song. Sniff.
Until next time!
Jennie has contributed to Imperfect Women since its inception in 2009. She writes about politics, celebrity news, and anything else that catches her interest.